life, apparently

missing you

2009-08-08T19:34:00.002-04:00

dear blog,

i miss you. but i'm totally paranoid about the whole tenure thing. and so instead i think of you often and ponder the day when i'll return. (other things in this category include: drinking with colleagues, exercising, vacation, expressing my opinion, etc)

love,
apparently

I see you in my sleep

2007-10-23T08:49:00.001-04:00

So last night I had a crazy dream where I went sailing with Articulate Dad and then we met up with The Here and Now (a blogger that doesn't actually exist)* for lunch.
First, I don't sail. In fact being on any body of water makes me nauseous. Second I don't actually know Articulate in real life. Third, I have been barely blogging at all for quite some time (as you are aware) - so why am I suddenly dreaming about it?

*Ok, I just looked it up and there is a thehereandnow.blogspot.com that involves LOTS!!!! of WORDS IN ALL CAPS!!! and even more exclamation POINTS!!! so I'm not linking because I'm pretty sure I don't want to meet this person in life or in my dreams. It appears to be written by someone with the name JAYE which reminds me of my very first college roommate Jae. She was younger than the rest of us - 16 or 17 or something like that (shh, I was promised to secrecy) and was obsessed with finding a bodybuilding partner. She introduced herself to everyone and I mean everyone like this: "hi I'm Jae J-A-E" Her real name was Jill (shh, another secret). She had posters of boys wearing spandex sitting on bikes hanging in our room and a gigantic Garfield bean bag. I told her she was a perfectly fine roommate but I didn't want to be her friend and she slept in the hallway with Garfield. She moved to another dorm over Thanksgiving and later dropped out. The End.

The Week in Quotes

2007-09-09T19:31:00.001-04:00

"Bunnyhopper!" [TheKid] - A new phrase we taught TheKid to use when he is angry, instead of hitting or throwing something. It's fun, try it.

"You are treating me like a man and I don't appreciate it one bit" [TheHusband] - Because I keep asking him to do home improvement related things and doing none of them myself.

"YES! YES!" [TheHusband] - While doing this [pictured] home improvement project. See - he likes home improvement projects.

"How about I split it with you?" [former landlord in Isolation U] - They attempted to charge us $175 for cleaning up the most disgusting basement ever. Problem - the basement was the most disgusting/stinky basement ever long before we moved in. If anything they should have paid me for cleaning it up when I moved in. His argument, understandably, was that I should have called and complained when I moved in. My argument was that there was no way they could have thought it was clean and stink free before I moved it so I guessed it was a consequence of renting a house built in 1900. I'm happy enough, I guess. He was reasonable and my 45 minutes on the phone paid of.

"hey Daphne" [TheKid] - He is madly obsessed with Scooby Doo lately. He always plays Scooby, TheHusband is Shaggy, and I'm Daphne. I tried to tell TheHusband that Daphne was Fred's girlfriend, but he is persistent.

"mama, I'm hot! I need a Popsicle" [TheKid] - upon waking up to an unexpectedly hot morning.

"and I understand she is very busy" [TheChair] of my dept when introducing me to someone. That's good, right? Now I just need to produce something.

Regrets

2007-08-23T08:12:00.000-04:00

This round of the postdoc carnival is dedicated to regrets. I'm a new assistant professor following a 3 year postdoc and I definitely have a few regrets.

I was very successful in grad school, coming from a top lab with many publications - I had my pick of several postdocs. The decision about which to select wasn't easy and I'm not even sure if I can remember why I decided against several of them. I finally decided on PostDocLab because my 2nd choice would require me to learn all new software and hardware and I didn't want to waste my time. As it turns out, they changed hardware during my first year, so it wouldn't have been an issue at all. PostDocLab was also close to my parents and I had just found out that I was pregnant. I guess the point is that it was the safe choice - presumably easy transition, close to home, famous guy, how could I go wrong? My first regret is the lab I picked. It's not that it was awful or anything; we just never clicked and were not productive as a result. How could I have known? Well, it would have been nice if people in his lab were honest. They completely misled me about his management style and availability. Maybe they just don't know any better. Maybe I asked the wrong questions.

Our plan was to work on projects in the same field but using a different technique and incorporating more information about one aspect. Let's say my field is Popcorn. In grad school I studied techniques of making popcorn in an WhirleyPop and which WhirleyPop creates the best popcorn. In my postdoc, we planned to study techniques of making popcorn in an air popper taking into account the chemical structure of popcorn and how that interacts with the air popper. The problem is that the air popper cannot be dissected and to really understand how it works (given that I just can't take it apart and look) is sort of a black magic. PostDocAdvisor is the inventor of the air popper, so it shouldn't have been a problem I thought. Except it was. One hour per week when he was in town was not enough time to understand the air popper no matter how hard I tried. And besides I already know how to make popcorn in the Whirley Pop and every time I tried and failed to make popcorn in the air popper, I thought "but I can already do this in the Whirley Pop and the Whirley Pop makes far superior popcorn in my opinion, so why bother" I didn't really give the air popper a fair chance but that is partially because the goal of simply learning to use the air popper is not a meaningful goal as a postdoc. Unless the air popper can do things the Whirley Pop can't do and I'm not convinced that is the case. I should have persisted and learned about the chemical structure of popcorn because that is useful regardless of the mechanism for making popcorn. But I didn't. I decided to continue studying the Whirley Pop because I knew I could pump out a few publications easily. I essentially just informed PostDocAdvisor of my uses of the Whirley Pop but didn't really collaborate with him in any meaningful way. My second regret was not formulating a solid research agenda for my postdoc.

At the core of both regrets are that I did not push myself hard enough and/or outside of my comfort zone. Part of this is just my cautious nature. The other part is being too worried about # of publications rather than acquiring new knowledge. Now, I'm trying very hard be open and receptive to new areas of research, even if it means I have less knowledge than a first year grad student. I'll let you know how it works out.

The return of Thursday Confessions: Dumb and dumber version

2007-08-22T20:24:00.000-04:00

I finally received a new (to me) filing cabinet. I've been waiting quite some time and was anxious to finish unpacking. I tried opening all the drawers to organize the remaining boxes that had been sitting on my office floor for entirely too long. Some of the drawers would open, some would not. Repeat for 30 minutes. I kept trying to figure out exactly which drawers did and did not open because it seemed to be a random selection each time I unlocked the cabinet. Locking and unlocking (maybe one didn't "catch" the lock mechanism or something like that I thought) them. Pulling and tugging to try to get them to open. Poking the metal lock bar (or whatever) that appeared to be the problem. I received a 5 inch scratch. And another 2 inch scratch. I yelled silently. I whispered threats and ultimatums to the filing cabinet. (I don't want my new colleagues to think I'm a complete nut, at least not yet!) I quit, extremely frustrated and sent a note asking for a new filing cabinet. Then after a break, I decided to try again -- I really wanted to finish unpacking! Repeat swearing, tugging, and turning the lock for another 15 minutes when an innocent person walked in to tell me something (not related to filing cabinets). Seeing the desperate and forlorn look on my face, he asked what was wrong. He turned the key and opened each drawer in turn explaining that it is a safety precaution that only one open at a time. Guess I haven't had a new filing cabinet in quite some time. Models from the 1960s don't have that feature.

We have a snow blower purchased for an incredibly good price before we moved from IsolationU. We recently purchased gas to put in the snow blower despite it being August because (apparently) they must contain all relevant liquid products or things stick or gum up or some such problem. (Liquids were emptied before we moved per moving company guidelines.) TheHusband filled up his much-loved-snow blower with oil and gas and then tried to start it. It didn't start. Repeat approximately 55 times. He quit, came into the house and spent lots of time looking on the web for solutions. The next day he tried to start it again. It didn't start. Repeat about 15 times. He quit, came into the house and called the manufacturer. They told him of qualified service people in the area. He called service people, who told him that it was "Lawnmower Season" and they don't look at snow blowers during Lawnmower Season (obviously!) They said to call back in the middle of Sept (apparently that is when SnowBlower Season begins, mark your calendars.) Yesterday he tried again. Once. It started. I asked what he did, and he indicated that he noticed a small problem. Clearly trying to distract me by talking about flowers and grass and dinner plans, I became even more interested and asked repeatedly until he answered. He didn't put the key in the ignition the first two days. The snow blower works just fine, as long as you put in the key.

Which is dumb and which is dumber? I don't know, you decide.

YEEEESSSS!

2007-08-20T11:54:00.001-04:00

I've been trying to fix 2 problems on my (brand new) computer for hours and hours and hours during the past week. I've tried everything. I've even restored the system to a previous date (which is a frightening thing to do). I've unistalled and reinstalled a bazillion pieces of software. I've restarted the computer six hundered thousand times. Finally, finally, finally I fixed it! And it was such an easy ridiculous fix that it is almost crazy. The router claimed to have the most recent update but I ignored that and manually reinstalled the update and tada everything works! I can't concentrate on work because I am so thrilled that I finally solved this problem. I feel like I deserve a vacation.

In other news, we went to a nearby lake this weekend and it was just beautiful. We went on a short boat excursion. We ate fish sandwhiches and fried oysters in a lovely little garden. We sat by the lake and watched kids skateboard. I love exploring new areas. If the act of moving wasn't such a gigantic pain, this love would be enough for me to move every few years. But I hate moving. So I'll just have to explore the area around NewUnivCity until I know every little town and village within a 3 hour drive.

Is it strange that wearing a sweatshirt in August made me insanely happy? Fall is almost hear!

Welcome to the Neighborhood

2007-08-19T12:12:00.000-04:00

(as we get into bed last night)

apparently: did you lock the car doors?

TheHusband: no

Apparently: arrgh, why not?

TheHusband: we have an alarm, what difference does it make?

The correct answer is hours of sleep, that is what difference it would have made.

At about 3:30 this morning, I awoke to my car alarm. Of course, it took several seconds to register that the noise was. And what felt like several minutes to first turn off the house alarm*, find my way downstairs, and find the car keys. As I picked up the car keys, the alarm stopped. And then it went off again. I walked over to the window to look out, holding the house alarm key in my hand** and wondering if this was a smart move. I saw no one, but noticed that the light inside my car was on. So I went upstairs and woke The Husband who was sound asleep*** and called the police. The Husband wanted to go outside but I told him just to wait. The police came and noted that the car door was open. I checked and nothing was missing. The only possible things to be missing are: an umbrella stroller, reusable grocery bags, a car seat, medical records for The Kid that are patiently waiting to be dropped off to the new doctor, about 78 cents, a few pens, a coloring book or 2, the requisite umbrella, flashlight, and jumper cables. I guess the alarm scared off the would-be-thief of 78 cents. The police didn’t take a report, I guess it is not illegal to open up a door. Though, quite frankly I think it should be illegal to wake me up (and presumably a few neighbors) at 3 in the morning.

I already have a slightly paranoid mind when it comes to personal safety so I’m not happy about staring this chapter of my life feeling uneasy. I am, however, very grateful that we had a home security system installed the week after we moved in or I would definitely not be able to sleep at night.

* because we have motion detectors and it will (allegedly) sound if we go down the steps without turning it off

** it has a panic mechanism that call the police automatically, if only I could remember how to activate it

*** who wakes up when he senses that The Kid is awake even though The Kid has not made a sound, but somehow sleeps through 2 rounds of our car alarm

modesty

2007-08-18T14:18:00.000-04:00

apparently: oh look, a butterfly

TheKid: awe, dat budderfwhy is cute. jus wike I am cute.

Maybe you should just call it 1-14 day delivery

2007-08-14T22:04:00.000-04:00

I received a notice that my photo order has shipped along with the following nonsense:

3-10 day delivery orders experience a range of delivery times. Most orders are delivered very quickly (within two to five days), but 3-10 day delivery time depends on distance and internal 3-10 day delivery factors, and therefore cannot be guaranteed. US West Coast deliveries often arrive the next day and many US East Coast orders arrive in as few as three days. However, 3-10 day delivery can take as long as 14 days, regardless of destination. If your order has not arrived 14 days after receiving your shipping confirmation email, please contact us at T@rgetPhotoSupport@Kodakg@!!ery.com.

UPDATE: I received one package today (1 day delivery for those who are counting) with a note that I'll receive 3 or more shipments. I have a feeling that we are going to span the entire range here.

This is not good

2007-08-14T09:53:00.000-04:00

Mr.Apparently,

Can you please talk to TheKid about keeping his hands to himself. TheKid likes to put some of the kids in head locks or he will grab them from behind pull them to the floor and jump on them. I told him he needs to have safe hands and a safe body but he still continues to do. So if you can please talk to him about it.

Thank you
ScaryTeacher*

We found out today that he is being mean to Emily - who he tells me everyday is "my new bess fwend" I guess best friends let you beat them up? I'm shocked. (I'm pretty sure the head locks are just aggressive hugs but the pushing and jumping is just plain nasty behavior). We had a talk. TheHusband also had a talk with him. I hope it is all over.

Yesterday at the grocery store, TheKid points to a bald guy and excitedly yells "Hey, hims has on his head jus like Daddy's head" Take it as a compliment bald guy.

*TheKid is at an inclusive preschool with a max classroom size of 8 kids with disabilities and 7 without. They have 6 (or more?) teachers and this one takes the role of TheScaryOne. When we visited, the director said that non-disabled kids model good behavior for the disabled kids who have behavioral issues. hmmm, we got that role wrong now didn't we.

UPDATE: TheKid had a great day according to everyone and he told TheScaryTeacher "is not nice to push are fwends" Let's hope for another successful keep-your-hands-to-yourself-day tomorrow.

Saint Dymphna

2007-08-11T16:56:00.000-04:00

I was just planting a few flowers when I dug up a Saint Dymphna coin, Patron Saint of those suffering nervous and mental affliction . How did they know we were coming?

settled in

2007-08-09T10:09:00.001-04:00

Oh Blog, how I've missed you. The thing is that at least 2 people from NewU City have been spotted reading you and so I'm sad and scared*. I'm scared of being discovered (pre-tenure anyway) though I'm not sure why - I don't say anything particularly interesting academic or otherwise. Every day I want to post something but then I go through this whole evaluation process where I try to decide if it will identify me or not. I think I might be over it for a little while anyway. I might become very very good friends with sitemeter.

I'm all moved in finally. Everything is unpacked except an old typewriter that I bought as a decoration. It is missing a home so it sits at the top of the stairs in a box, waiting. Even TheSportsTeamRoom is unpacked which was no small feat. TheHusband has been planning for this room since he realized he was an adult and might actually own a home someday. For the past 3-5 years he has been buying random decorations for TheSportsTeamRoom. TSTR is missing a bar so there is still a full box or two of bar stuff waiting to be unpacked. The problem is that all the furniture appears to be from the 70s so buying a new bar at the store doesn't quite work. Anyone have a smallish 1970's bar they want to get rid of?

The best part of my new home is that I have my own office with lots of windows. Only it is so bright in the morning that I need sunglasses. Seriously. Because the walls are windows. All of them. I took a picture for you but TheKid's new hobby is taking pictures and when he was finished yesterday he threw the camera to the ground like he does when he is done with all of his toys. I think the camera has a boo-boo.

The other best part - we have a real dining room table and chairs. In grad school we had an outdoor bar type thing for a table. In postdoc-dom we had Japaneese style table and sat on pillows. Which I loved. For a while. But my back hurts and it is hard to get up and apparently I'm an old lady and I need a real table. (not the best picture and I guess PierUno doesn't have any furniture online?? so I can't show you the chairs)

The worst part of the new home situation is that we spent entirely too much money. As in we found the limit on our credit card. Half of that is moving expenses which are being reimbursed but still, it is scary.

I've started the new job and I'm still trying to feel comfortable. But it is hard because no one (and I do mean NO one) is there. Where are these people? I've always been surrounded by 20-hour-a-day, what is vacation? -types. So I'm sort of confused by the absence of people during the summer. I guess I'll get used to it - in 7 years when I'm tenured. Until then it is me and the secretaries working in the summer.

Now lets see if I even have a blogger account anymore. Anyone remember my password?

*TheKid's new saying. Every night he claims to be sad and scared so that we'll lay down with him. What is he scared of? Yesterday he didn't know, Tuesday it was mama's bedroom, and Monday it was a dinosaur.

My paper shredder works for the state

2007-06-28T17:42:00.001-04:00

My paper shredder works for approximately 15-20 minutes then requires a 20 minute break. It is driving me insane.

My mother convinced me at a young age that I absolutely must keep every piece of paper that entered my hand. She has years and years of phone bills, cable bills, etc. She keeps every receipt she has ever received. Honest. Upon receiving a credit card bill, she finds the corresponding receipt for each charge and staples them all to the credit card bill, then files that bill. I think maybe she gets rid of the "paperwork" as she calls it every 20 years. I vaguely remember her telling me recently that she shredded 1983.

I try to keep about a year of paperwork, mostly to keep my mom happy. Turns out this can be useful on occasion, like when my bank starting charging me a $12 monthly fee and told me that this has always been their policy. I looked back through all of my statements and showed them that they were liars.

In preparation for the move, I am purging and shredding and converting all bills to email delivery. I guess I forgot to request a non-union shredder. It is going to take months to shred all this stuff at this rate. Do you think he'll work overtime if I pay double? Has it been 20 minutes yet?

What is your goal?

2007-06-28T10:41:00.000-04:00

I'm so annoyed by this that I have to tell you. We close on our house in less than 2 weeks which means that we need to find homeowner's insurance right now. I tried to get a few quotes last night but only one company provides them online (hello - welcome to 2007 insurance companies, get online). I did fill out some forms answering a million silly questions that I don't actually know the answer to (how far from a fire hydrant - no clue) then reportedly I'd receive quotes by email. I also entered all relevant dollar amounts so that (or at least I imagined) the quotes would be for the exact same coverage. First thing this morning, at a bright and early 10:30, an insurance dude called. The conversation follows:
Dan: "hi apparently, I'm "Dan from StupidQuestionInsuranceAgency"
apparently: "hi"
Dan: "Are you moving to our area?"
apparently: "yes"
Dan: "And you are buying a house in our area?"
apparently: "yep"
Dan: "As you may know there are many different options for homeowners insurance and so before I look for a plan for you, I'd like to get an idea of your goals"
apparently: "OK"
long pause because I didn't realize that this was not a statement, but a question
apparently: "can you ask a more specific question"
Dan: "Lets imagine a worst case scenario where the house burns down and damage is so bad that you need to remove anything valuable and tear down the house. Do you rebuild?"
apparently: [imagining a pick your own ending book] I don't know, it depends on a number of things. Does the mortgage co. require that I rebuild?"
Dan: "no"
apparently: "I really don't have an answer for that." [thinking - isn't there a default answer here? - I just woke up I don't want to imagine my house in ashes. What do I care anyway if I rebuild or buy new if the bank doesn't care?]
Dan: "You've bought a house and you are moving to our area?"
apparently: "yep" [thinking - we already covered this moron]
Dan: "When you are calling companies and filling out forms to get a quote - what is your goal? What is your goal in getting a quote for a homeowners insurance?"
apparently: [internal monologue comes out] "dude, this guy is bothering me I can't talk to him" and hangs up

What does this guy what to know? What is my goal? In a 3 minute converstation he asked me what my goal was 3 times. WTF do you think - I'm calling insurance companies to get a quote which means I want to know what your price is, you know, a QUOTE. I put in all the relevant dollar amounts in the forms so that the different compannies would be comparable. There are really only 3 decent companies in the area (in my opinion and according to jdpower, epinions, ambest, etc) and all I want to know is who is cheapest. It is pretty simple. We don't need to discuss my goals. I give you numbers and an address, and in return you give me a price. The end.

So I guess we won't be going with StupidQuestionInsuranceAgency. Let's hope the gas company doesn't ask about my goals when I call them or we might have to live without hot water.

UPDATE: Dan (whose real name it turns out is Eric) sent the following email:
-----------------
From: Eric
To: apparently
Subject: hanging up

(body of email)
very rude. not nice.

RealNameof StupidQuestionInsuranceAgency
contact information
-----------------
The good thing is that I know the real name of SQIA so I can be sure to avoid them. The other good thing is that this is hilarious. TheHusband thinks I should reply. "cell cut off. fuck you." I have a small inclination to call his boss, given that I know their actual name now, and tell them that Eric is incompetent, unprofessional, and they lost a customer. But I won't do either. I'll just laugh and laugh and laugh.

back and better than ever or at least the same as always

2007-06-19T14:50:00.000-04:00

The next time I disappear for months, it is probably because I've been jailed for yelling at, questioning, or otherwise objecting to the conduct of the TSA. I just can't take these ridiculous travel rules anymore, the inconsistent application (and invention) of rules, and the fact that it takes 8 people to watch me walk through a metal detector.

But this absence wasn't due to the TSA, in fact it was just a vacation.

If you define vacation as

attending a conference
two trips to NewTown one of which involved buying a house
packing parts of current house because my moving allowance which purportedly covered the entire cost of packing and moving was $1300 less than the actual cost!
scanning every paper that I own to eliminate dragging 12 boxes of papers to my new digs
hosting The(pregnant)Sister and TheNephew for a week vacation
sleeping a.lot.
trying not to strangle anyone while TheHusband was out of town and TheKid was sick and therefore the most grouchiest grouch in town
traveling to TheParents for various family functions
writing a paper
attending a great wedding, so great that we missed our return flight
prepping a new class - I have to say even I think this class just might be TheFun and as a student I hated this class. Hated it. I skipped too many classes to count, slept through a number of others, and still pulled out an A. Part of my motivation in making it TheFun was to prevent having any students like myself.
having a yard sale where we sold one dishwasher for $100 and $400 of crap - seriously people love our junk. I don't know why, it is just your typical junk. When we left GradSchoolTown, we had a yard sale in the parking lot of our apartment complex (classy, I know) and made $500 on crap ($100 on a camera and $100 on a treadmill). I think it is the fun price stickers I make. A few samples "have no clue what this does 25cents", "sometimes work, sometimes doesn't $5", "makes excellent bread, I'm just too lazy to use it $8", "fan works, cover is broke, if you want to fix it, its yours, free"
donating to Obama

yeah, so I'm back

Visual DNA

2007-04-17T19:48:00.000-04:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

seen first at timna's

Because I couldn't possibly say it better

2007-04-17T19:03:00.000-04:00

go read this

Irrational?

2007-04-16T10:10:00.000-04:00

I think I'm going to make an offer on a house today. It has a gigantic in-ground pool that is newly renovated and beautiful by all accounts. A rare luxury in NewCity.

Problem: I don't swim.

Thursday Confessions

2007-04-12T21:59:00.000-04:00

My father's birthday was last week and I didn't acknowledge it.

Here's the story. My parents were married very young (age 15 & 18) and purposefully had children two years after they were married. [My mom's 30th birthday was quite a production and I remember every detail because I was in high school. Isn't that crazy? I turned 30 a year after my son's birth and almost no one noticed.] They divorced when I was 5 and my mom left custody to my dad because he had a reliable job (she had never had a job) and a house (which I assume she didn't think or want to fight for in court). She still feels guilty about this decision. My father was abusive. My mother didn't know or didn't recognize his behavior as abuse (which is not surprising given her own father, after all my sister and I never required medical care unlike her and her sisters). My father was (and still is as far as I know) an alcoholic and drug addict and dealer. It is not the physical abuse that haunts me. I without any question received the vast majority of abuse (in fact, I'm not so sure my sister would claim to have been abused herself) but I always viewed it as 1) protecting my sister and step-sisters and 2) as his problem - I had a keen awareness that I (all of us really) were quite good children and that he must be so angry for reasons unrelated to us. What haunts me is the abandonment. In 6th grade I ran away (all the way across the street) and decided that I wanted to move it with my mother (who was just about to get remarried and had what appeared to be a stable life finally). As it turns out I ran away on Father's Day and my father told me that day that if I left, he'd never speak to me again. He also demanded a reason. I told him it was the drug abuse and he denied using drugs. So I told him it was because I didn't like my step-mom (which was actually true but not reason enough to move out). He did speak to me again. My sister moved with me but not because she wanted to, really, but because she didn't want to be alone (she was always a daddy's girl). We did the every-other-weekend thing for a while but soon after the move I was banned from returning because I was too mouthy. They went on vacation without me, celebrated holidays, etc. I can't exactly remember how long my sister continued visitation but I think it was pretty much until she had her first serious high school sweetheart and decided that weekends were for boyfriends instead of dads.

My dad had a sort of interesting approach to keeping in contact with me after the move. He sometimes sent birthday and Christmas cards and/or gifts. He sometimes didn't. He sometimes sent these for my sister (her birthday is less than a month after mine) but not me. I can't tell you how many holidays ended with a good long cry wondering why I wasn't important enough for my own father to remember.

Before my wedding (almost 5 years ago) I spent many sleepless nights wondering what I'd do if my father failed to show up at my wedding. I decided not to invite him and I sent him a letter (a year in advance) informing him why and telling him that he had a choice. He could continue his behavior as is or he could chose to perform the bare minimum duties of fatherhood and contact me on holidays and even (gasp!) on an occasional non-holiday. We talked on the phone after I sent him the letter and I could tell that he was upset about it. He apologized and explained that this was how he thought a father should behave, it was what his father taught him. His philosophy was that he sent me into he world prepared for anything and I would contact him if I needed anything. (In fact, he was always eager to respond to a request for anything (usually money) a fact my sister took full advantage of. I do have this semi-bizarre sense that my father would do anything I asked of him except just being a father and or a grandfather.) His behavior did not change and I did not invite him to my wedding.

That was really a life changing event for me. I (for the most part) lost my guilt over not being the perfect daughter and lost some sense of embarrassment/shame/? that I wasn't good enough for my own father to love (though not all of it). Until my son was born. Then I felt some obligation to try to allow him to be a grandfather. I sent pictures and notes. He sent cards and money the first year. Nothing the second year and then this year he sent via overnight mail so it arrived in time, a birthday card, note, temporary tatoos, and money. And a Christmas card and money. I never responded. I thought about it but I don't want to play games anymore. I told him pre-wedding that he has to be in or out of my life I can't take anything in the middle. So Christmas passed with no card or call and his birthday passed with a twinge of guilt but no card or call. I worry that when he dies I will not recover from a surge of guilt, shame, sadness, etc. but I push that away for now and focus on ensuring that my son knows that I love him endlessly with no reservations (despite the fact that he is of the .05% of toddlers who clearly and unquestionably prefer their father to their mother for any and every event in life*).

*no I'm not bitter or jealous, why do you ask?

Who Doesn't?

2007-04-11T12:47:00.000-04:00

(in the car on the way home)

TheKid: Tell me wha-chou need mama.*

apparently: I don't need anything TheKid. I'm good, thanks!

TheKid: You need da popcorn mama?

TheKid: Here, here da popcorn fo you mama [handing me imaginary popcorn].

apparently: mmm, that is good popcorn! I did need that! Thank you TheKid!

*don't ask me where this came from

Nice to know where I rank

2007-04-11T12:38:00.000-04:00

During the past 2 weeks, TheKid has adopted all sorts of new sayings. He has started declaring things he loves and things he does not love. His inaugural profession of love for the one who lugged him around in utero with 5 months of "morning" sickness and 4 months of 24-hour heartburn went like this:

TheKid: I wuv mama

apparently: speechless while reveling in the adorableness of this sweet sweet child, total time of 0.045 seconds

TheKid: I wuv my backet ball whoop

RBOC: why I hate airports

2007-04-11T11:55:00.000-04:00

I've had so much to say the past week or so that I've said nothing because I don't know where to start. Today is apparently mow the lawn and cut the trees day. It took me about an hour to drive to my office, weaving around various lawn mowing companies with 20-something boys smoking cigarettes while standing next to big trucks, fail to find a parking space without a 'do not park here' sign, and return back home. And so, I am annoyed and resort to blogging rather than anything requiring thought and/or effort.

Visit to FriendWithKids was eventFUL. Turns out our kids don't play together so well. OldestBlondeBoy was happy to share as long as toys being shared were chosen by him and played with as directed. TheKid is not so good at following directions, especially those given by a 3 yr old and of course only wanted to play with toys OBB had in his hand. Instead TheKid decided to steal from, push, and maybe even step on TallBabyBoy. TBB on the other hand was a perfect angel. If TheKid was so well behaved at 11 months I would have had 2 more by now.
FriendWithRestlessLeg had remarkably restful legs and I must say is a brave soul. I would surely have lost my mind if I spent days with other peoples misbeavin' kids.
Father of TBB and OBB is a saint. He voluntarily spent the entire day with all 3 kids so us girls could go to TheBigCity. I have to say it was a pretty great, if a bit cold, day (for us, not so much for him).
Flight home was cancelled with no announcement. When we checked-in the board said 'on time'. We found food, found the gate, and hung out until I got nervous when there was no plane, no gate agents, and the sign said some destination other than home, at 10 minutes til departure. I went to investigate (expecting a gate change) and found out that our flight was cancelled. They tried all kinds of crazy re-routing including taking a taxi to other airport and flying home, taking a taxi to yet a different airport and flying directly to GradSchool, waiting until tomorrow, etc. I had made the mistake of truthfully informing ticketing agent that TheKid was 2. After 30 minutes of trying to put me in a taxi or a hotel, a supervisor came over, pushed a few buttons, and said to me "He [TheKid] is under 2, right?" to which I enthusiastically responded "YES" and we were on the next flight home. I wasn't exactly thrilled about holding a sleeping, grouchy, dirty* kid on my lap for the flight home but I was happy that I'd still catch my flight to GradSchool.
My connection was now too close to walk out exchange Kid for computer and re-enter through security so the wonderful ticketing people at America West arranged for TheHusband to get a gate pass (who knew this was even possible post 9-11? really, who knew?). We met at the gate and like Superman I removed one child, one backpack, and one coat handed them to TheHusband, spun around, and accepted one computer and one carryon then dashed off for my other flight.
Of course that flight (which was originally delayed 1.5 hours) was now delayed another 1.5 hours. When I arrived at the gate, many angry people were talking to the gate agent and I learned that there was no pilot and no flight attendants, thus the delay. Early morning flight was full but mid afternoon flight had seats. I decided that I could not spend any more time in any airport, called TheHusband before he left, and exchanged my ticket for afternoon flight.
Luckily (?) TheKid's luggage was lost so TheHusband hadn't left because he was still waiting for it to come flying down the ramp.
We filed a lost luggage form and went home.
As soon as we arrived, TheHusband called airline and they confirmed me on early morning flight (rather than afternoon flight) and booked me a taxi.
Flight to GradSchool was fine** (shortened) trip was great.
Return flight, as you might have guessed by now, was delayed 3.5 hours. I had 2 gigantic margaritas (what else to do?) and caught up on some blog reading.

*TheKid and 5 yr old MilesfromNewState were the best of friends at the airport. They played a game where MfNS rolled (most of the time anyway) a ball to TheKid, then ran down to retrieve the ball before TheKid could, and handed it to TheKid. TheKid then rolled (and/or threw) the ball to MfNS's end of the airport with a 50% chance of hitting an innocent bystander before MfNS had time to run back to his station at the other end of the airport and retrieve the ball. Some people were not happy. At all. Especially when they were hit in the head with the ball. It was foam, so I wasn't too worried. No one actually complained to me, so I pretended not to notice. I figured being hit in the head by a foam ball was better than listening to a 2yr old scream and throw himself to the ground. Maybe some people disagreed, I don't know and honestly I don't care.

**Although when I arrived at the airport they announced that they needed 5 people to volunteer to be bumped (of a 30 person flight) and that our flight crew was not present and we would be delayed. I nearly freaked out. Somehow everything magically resolved itself when I went to the restroom and though we took off late, we actually arrived early.

Thursday Confessions

2007-03-29T19:41:00.000-04:00

TheKid and I are flying to visit FriendWithKids (said kids and husband) and FriendWithRestlessLeg. I am bring (lots of) chocolate for the purposes of bribery. Because I'm a good parent like that.

We return Tuesday but I will literally walk out of the gate, exchange 1 suitcase and 1 child for a computer and a new bag, and return through security to catch another flight. I'm going to GradSchoolTown to accept an award. I feel sort of greedy(or something), I received my PhD years ago and I'm still winning awards. I sort of feel like it is someone else's turn for glory (not that it is exactly glorious but whatever). But how can I complain? I am eternally grateful for the insane level of support I receive from BestAdvisorEver. He is THE BAE!

Expect light blogging ahead (not that there has ever been heavy blogging around here in any sense of the word).

Dear Roofers,

2007-03-27T09:04:00.000-04:00

first, how can you be so incredibly f*d up at 9 am? second, do ya really think it is a good idea to come to work f*d up? your job involves climbing up tall ladders and standing on sloped surfaces. I wouldn't do it sober, I'm just sayin.

love and sobriety,
apparently

ps - my entire first aid kit includes a blood pressure monitor, elmo band aids, and malox leftover from my pregnancy, so please don't fall. thanks!

Mondays are for Martinis

2007-03-26T08:10:00.000-04:00

Chocolate Martini

4 oz vodka
3 oz chocolate liqueur
2 oz coffee liqueur
splash of cream

shake with ice, strain, pour, drink

(we used these but I'm sure there must be equally good and less label-happy brands)

The Academic Job Search: Rejection

2007-03-23T11:02:00.000-04:00

What a season, huh? Double digit job talks. Enough rejections in one week to cause consecutive days of crying. Multiple offers in the following 2 weeks. I believe I'm just now moving past the exhaustion and mindfuck that is the academic job search. Here is the first in a series of posts about the whole process.

Let us start with rejections. Despite my sizeable experience with the topic, I really have no advice for job seekers. Everyone and their brother will tell you not to take it personally. Of course that is impossible. IM-POSS-I-BLE! I have zero advice on how to maintain sanity during rejection-o-rama. If that is the goal, I failed miserably. I do, however, have advice for the department chair, search committee head, or other contact person to make the whole process less repulsive.

Be respectful and forthright. Do not send mixed messages. For example, this is not OK: I received this query from #1 "The department has met and we are near a decision. I'm writing to find out if you are still available to consider a position here?" I replied. I was expecting an offer, why else would you ask? I told people about this and everyone agreed that indeed I would receive an offer shortly. A week or two later I received another email claiming that they were still gathering paperwork. Six weeks passed and I received a rejection. (In the interim I figured out that I was most likely not getting an offer given the timeline.) The process was misleading and just plain rude.

Let me know when you've offered someone else a position, even if you want to keep me hanging on in case they decline. If the offer comes my way and I end up accepting, I'll eventually find out that I was the 2nd (or 3rd) choice, so tell me now and let me get over it before I'm on the tenure clock. Some departments are upfront about each step of the process and I cannot express how thankful I am for that. It is calming to know where you stand, even if the news is not pleasant. And calm might be as good as it gets during the search. Others (see above) play these ridiculous games and others say absolutely nothing at all. The fact is that your reputation as a department and as a person is on the line here and reputation is everything in academia. People talk. Even without words I can convey enough to make others shudder at the thought of you(r department).

When you send the final rejection, please tell me who you hired. I'm going to find out anyway and it often makes the rejection less painful. In some cases I looked up the CV of the person who was hired (of course) and thought that the department hired the right person (which obviously was not me). I was actually happy to be rejected and happy for both the department and the newly hired person because it was right. It gave me hope that the (hypothetical) world can be perfect (on paper). If this person can get their perfect job then I can get my perfect job. In the midst of rejection we all need hope. (Of course other times, I thought geez what a bunch of idiots I can't believe you hired person B. I don't want to work with such a bunch of fools anyway! But honestly the vast majority of my responses fell into the former category.)

I don't think any of these suggestions are unreasonable. The glut of PhDs, the insanely long duration of the entire search process and the votes based on the elusive "fit" make the job search painful enough (even for those of us who are relatively successful). Clear, honest and respectful communication between the chair and the candidate does wonders to subdue the agony.

maybe I should have taken a job over the pond

2007-03-22T20:00:00.000-04:00

Dear People of South Carolina,

WTF is wrong with you? Call your representatives, this is 2007 not 1947. Rep. Greg Delleney wins for most asinine quote. http://expectantwaiting.blogspot.com/2007/03/dont-worry-ladies-your-credits-will.html

I cannot tell you how angry this makes me.

love,
apparently

Thanks Casey for the details - I was completely unaware (I heard about the debate and thought it was ludicrous but this brings it to a whole new dimension.)

Nature and nurture

2007-03-22T14:09:00.000-04:00

The Sister and The Nephew visited last week (my excuse for not posting) and it was interesting. Yes, interesting it was. The Nephew is 6 weeks younger than The Kid which is to say that they will be forever considered the same age as soon as I'm allowed to count by years rather than months and weeks. (Am I the only one who hates that convention? I didn't mind counting weeks for maybe the first 12-16 weeks and I didn't mind counting months for the first 9-12 months but come on. He is a little bit over 2, why is that not a sufficient answer? Why do I have first remember his birthday and second remember the current month so that I can third count on my fingers the number of months since he turned 2? Why?) But I digress. Age is the only thing The Kid and The Nephew have in common.

The Kid is loud and rambunctious. His favorite activities are throwing a ball and playing baseball (sometimes completely imaginary baseball but more often we play by hitting a balloon with a wiffle ball bat and running around the "bases" in the house. Yes, I realize this is perhaps not the most appropriate indoor game but I hope it will move to a strictly outdoor game with the spring weather.) The Kid likes to be on the go - if we stay home for two consecutive days he becomes a monster. The Kid is very verbal, as in please stop talking already my ears hurt.

The Nephew is quiet and mellow. His favorite activities are reading books and playing with a computer. The Nephew is sensitive to high stimulus environments. He likes calm, quiet places with few people. The Nephew is not particularly verbal - he uses few words (and definitely no sentences). He prefers the company of adults. He is not particularly fond of other toddlers who attempt to play catch all day while yelling "Catch da ball Cousin" at the top of his lungs and throwing balls at him.

This presented quite a challenge for us. We went to gymnastics and The Nephew HATED it, he cried the entire time and kept saying "bye bye" as in let's get the f**k out of here puhlease. We went to Chuck E Cheese. The only redeeming quality of CEC is that they have pizza and so The Nephew was happy for about 45 minutes while he ate. The Kid spent most days taking toys away from The Nephew or tackling him (sometimes baseball includes tacking, no?) followed by "NO" responses from the grown ups. The Nephew spent most days upset and avoiding The Kid. (The Nephew was also sick so that of course added to his misery.)

TheSister is pregnant (2ish months). At some point we heard a commercial that said "Are you pregnant and scared about your future?" to which she responded "YES!" Two kids are exhausting, especially when they are exact opposites. The day after they left I fell asleep at 7:30pm. The following day I took a 2 hour nap. I think I'm back to full speed now. Did I mention that next week The Kid and I are traveling to visit FriendWithKid who, you guessed it, has 2 kids - one a year older and one a year younger. Maybe I should take another nap.

Thursday Confessions

2007-03-22T14:02:00.000-04:00

I pulled out right in front of someone yesterday and then (because I am a brilliant driver, I tell ya) I just sat there assuming that the car would drive around me. Of course the driver wasn't looking at me, she was looking off to the side of the road. For reasons completely beyond my comprehension, this did not freak me out at all. My heart did not flutter, my blood pressure did not increase. The other drive looked up and I mouthed "sorry" and she mouthed "what are you doing?" which of course made me think "I haven't the slightest clue lady, oopsy" This was perhaps the most bizarre/dangerous driving incident of my life.

Mondays are for Martinis

2007-03-12T17:19:00.000-04:00

Raspberry Lemontini

Ice
8 ounces lemon flavored vodka
4 ounces raspberry liqueur (recommended: Chambord)
1 lemon, very thinly sliced 8 raspberries (optional)
In a shaker combine ice, vodka and liqueur.
Strain into 4 sugar rimmed martini glasses.
Top with slice of lemon and 2 raspberries. Serve.

(my current favorite)

2007-03-12T11:07:00.000-04:00

The review is done. It is finally done!

Lessons from theZoo

2007-03-11T21:44:00.000-04:00

This evening TheKid said to me "I a bear, I lickin' my penis"

Nice.

Today TheKid and TheHusband went to the zoo, so I could work on the review from hell (completely read! but review not written yet). The animals were very active.* They overheard another kid ask his mother why the bear was licking himself. I guess his mother was too busy laughing to respond and so the question remained. TheKid doesn't care the reason, he just wants to be a bear.

*Normally the bears are sleeping and so TheKid lays down on the blacktop at the zoo and pretends to sleep saying "I bear, I sleepin' mama."

Note to self

2007-03-09T18:07:00.000-05:00

Never EVER agree to review a paper longer than 150 pages, especially a technical paper. Will I ever finish this?

Thursday Confessions: On being a hypocrite

2007-03-08T10:07:00.000-05:00

update: I just realized that today is Thursday, appropriate huh? You see I just needed some material for my blog, I'm not actually a bad parent.

TheKid ate breakfast as he watched Caddyshack while I attempted to nap on the couch this morning. Remind me why we left that other day care again?

But you see, this was a case of life or death. I didn't sleep well last night. I should have. I went to be at 8pm. Of course TheHusband called me at 9:30 (Conversation: me: hello TH: are you asleep? me: I was TH:oh, sorry, bye me: bye) and I stayed up until the am hours. Then TheKid came into our room somewhere around 4am and proceeded to adorn himself as if he were a necklace around my neck. This does not make for good sleep, or the ability to take full breaths. I woke up TheHusband who looked over at us and laughed then went back to sleep. I guess he thought I just wanted to share the humor of having a human necklace.

So you see when I woke up to TheKid yelling "me wanna watch da goff" at 7:20 am and TheHusband desparately trying to figure out what exactly this "da goff" is then realizing that it was Caddyshack (a consequence of my many trips out of town this year, no doubt, as I haven't watched Caddyshack in at least 2 years) only to then figure out (even though I told him weeks ago) that the DVD player in the bedroom doesn't work, well I decided to accompany TheKid downstairs, put Caddyshack on, grab him a bowl of cereal and fall on to the couch so as to not kill them both.

Show me the money

2007-03-06T07:54:00.000-05:00

As you might imagine, I've been reading (actually, trying to read -- I can't find many relevant articles) about negotiating and I found a quote in this that I found shocking:
"According to Pinkley and Northcraft, only about 25 percent of job applicants attempt to negotiate. Women are often more reluctant to negotiate than men, and this disinclination accounts, in part, for continuing wage discrepancies between the sexes."

25%! that is insane! 25% in academia or in all professions? Sheesh people.

I asked for a raise at my first job at the produce store. I was 16 years old. I asked for summer money in grad school. I negotiated my postdoc salary, conference funding, and computer situation. I guess I've always been a negotiator. My postdoc advisor called me aggresssive (when I enforced our previously negotiated terms) which made me (REALLY) angry but also proud. He said he didn't want to give me more than other people just because I asked (and I thought, hmmm well someone should tell them to ask). Nobody is just going to hand you things. Money does not fall from the sky because you think you deserve it. Especially in academia.

Ok, back to negotiating!

(Note to people seeking advice: start with salary but don't forget teaching reduction & course assignments, summer salary, start up funds, moving expenses, grad student support, start date, child care, office refurbishment, lab space, etc.)

DayCareWoes 2007

2007-03-02T10:44:00.000-05:00

Today is the first day of our new school situation. TheKid goes to NewSchool 3 days and week and stays home 2 days a week. Unfortunately this means that I also have to stay home with him those 2 days. (Temporary. This is temporary I remind myself.) I am not patient, I am easily bored, and I am scared to death of staying home with my kid for 2 whole days in a row every week. This, my friends, will be very interesting.

Frequent readers (all 3 of you) know that we seem to attract crazy daycare situations. My sisters says it is the I live in - she called it the daycare outlaw state because they seem to have extremely lax regulation on child care centers. We began TVschool Jan 1 after GreatestBabysitterEver went off to college. We asked several questions when visiting TVschool and everything seemed quite nice (obviously). Here is what we learned in the 2 short months that TheKid attended TVschool:

They watch TV until everyone arrives (say 7-8am), then during breakfast (8-9:30ish), during lunch (11:00-12ish), then during snack (3-4). They nap from 12ish-3. So basically we were paying hundreds of dollars a month for TV and a nap. And, if that isn't bad enough (obviously there are 12 other sets of parents who don't seem to mind), they don't even watch what I consider to be age appropriate, educational TV. Instead they watched movies (others that I cannot link to because I don't know what they are) and Barney (no offense but I hate that purple dinosaur). I told the director that they amount of TV these kids watch is criminal. TheKid does like to watch TV but we do it rarely (like when I need a break or he is being a grouch). He often sat at the table with his back to the TV and they actively encouraged him to move chairs or turn around so he could see the TV. WTF? (Lesson: when you ask "how often do you watch TV?" and the director says "rarely" but there is a TV in every room, she is lying)

The "breakfast" served by the school consists of a handful of dry sugar cereal (Lesson: when you ask "what do you typically eat for breakfast?" and the director says "cereal" don't assume it is the same non-sugar-coated, whole grain, cereal you serve at home)

99% of the words spoke in that room took the form "NO [fill in child's name]!" Kids are mischevious. They do things you'd rather them not, things they know they shouldn't do, things that are mildly dangerous, etc. I know this. But yelling NO all day will not solve that (apparently TV does, eh?).

They don't read books everyday and rarely listen to music. I guess it interferes with their TV programs. (Lesson: don't assume that so-called-"schools" read everyday just because you see books)

etc.

Needless to say, we decided to leave the minute we walked in the door. For a while the plan was to quit after my job interview tour around the world and worry about finding daycare later. Somehow we TheHusband found a new daycare at another college (not mine) that had an open spot. The problem is that it is part-time and expensive. He is the youngest (by a year in some cases) which I think will be nice (he is learning things that he wouldn't normally learn at this age) but it is also a little scary (one of the things he is learning is to cut with scissors).

I hope this latest installment of the DayCareWoes is the last.

Thursday Confessions

2007-03-01T20:53:00.000-05:00

a double dose.

1. I had a martini (or 2) everynight this week except yesterday. I'm still celebrating!

2. I still use Pine for email. Opening attachments is tons of fun! I can't make myself use webmail, I just don't like it.

celebration!

2007-02-23T21:25:00.000-05:00

I'm drinking a chocolate martini and eating kettle korn (I know strange combo) while I attempt to select the path to happiness. You see I now have the misfortune of receiving 3 job offers (yes THREE!!!) and two of them showed up in my inbox within 10 minutes of one another. What a crazy 10 minutes! More later. For now, cheers!

Thursday Confessions

2007-02-22T14:20:00.000-05:00

We've got Moron Mondays, WTF Tuesdays , and Wednesday Whining. No Complaining Thursdays are debunk now that Betty's gone so I'm starting Thursday Confessions:

Today I discovered the Anna Nicole Smith trial on CourtTV and I am addicted. This shit is crazy. I'm not usually such a voyeur, honestly but I've never seen anything like this in my life. Even the judge is a wacko.

Anything you'd like to confess?

"They couldn't predit this in a million years"

2007-02-20T20:28:00.000-05:00

That's my other problem - I am the biggest exaggerator ever! (see what I mean) When I tell stories, teach, or just have a conversation I tend to speak in extremes. When I give standard talks, I do not exaggerate, I just tell the facts. However a job talk is a different beast - it is very general, glossing over the details that make up my days. Part of the goal is to appeal to an incredibly diverse audience and get them excited about your work. My area is very technical relative to the other areas in my department, so I have to present a sort of cartoon version of what I do. This puts me in story-telling mode and I exaggerate. The title - I actually said that in my most recent job talk and I suddenly realized that maybe my style, while obviously very clear to everyone in the audience (and I know this from the questions, etc) may encourage people to think that I am not fully versed in the literature. They may think that I really believe the extremes to be The Truth and I'm not aware of all the minutia because I do not appropriately hedge. That of course is false, I exaggerate to make my point very clear given the composition of the audience. Anyway, it is all over now and I.just.don't.care.anymore.

From the Inbox

2007-02-16T13:56:00.000-05:00

Dear apparently,
I write to let you know that we remain enthusiastic about your
candidancy in our department. I hope to be able to pursue some
definitive hiring conversations with you next week. At the moment we are
still on hold.
Best wishes,
Chair

This is from interview #4. They offered the job to someone else after an "excruciatingly close" vote but said that they would offer the job to me should the other candidate decline or try to get a second line from the dean for me should the other candidate accept. I've received a few emails asking me to please not make any decision without consulting them and promising information ("one way or the other") "in the next few weeks." Weeks have come and gone. I have no idea what this most recent email means. I think it sounds promising but so have the many other emails I've received (admittedly not as positive as this one), so we shall see. How do I respond to this? I feel like saying:
Dear Chair
Thanks (I think)?
apparently
but somehow that doesn't quite seem appropriate.

In the meantime, I've received an invitation to interview at AcrossThePondUniversity. The interview structure is so very different than what I am used to. It is not so much an invitation as a statement of fact: I have booked a room for you at XX hotel for XX dates. Your interview is in room XX at XX building at XX pm. I guess I now estimate my chances of being jobless next year at a mere 70%.

Oh and did I mention that I've been officially rejected by BestJobEver? They sent a very gracious letter indicating that the decision was based on content area. They are very strong in my area (hence, the BestJobEver) and decided "after much anguish" to add strength to a new content area rather than my area. Boo hoo. On a positive note, I've been rejected so many times that I barely noticed this one, otherwise I might have been crushed.

oh the joys of traveling

2007-02-16T13:21:00.000-05:00

Posted Wednesday on Wednesday Whining from NortheastAirport:

Whine: Went to airport at 4am with wet hair (hotel hair dryer was broke). Waited outside in an ice storm (or what I thought at the moment to be an ice storm but what turned out to be only the slightest beginning of THE ICE STORM) for an hour. Finally I'm next in line -- wait -- airport is closed. Somehow convinced them to check me in despite orders to "close" ticketing.

teeny-tiny anti-whine: no line for security and relatively fresh food.

Back to the whine: Waited until 1pm with virtually no information about status of flight (other than delayed - duh!).

teeny-tine anti-whine: at least I didn't wait on the plane like several others.

Back to the whine: Finally decided to book flight for tomorrow despite no official cancellation of flights to Hometown. Booked with a connection in DC (uh oh) as all 5 direct flights were already booked. Waited outside in THE ICE STORM for 30 mins to take a 5 min shuttle to hotel. Waited in hotel lobby for another hour for a clean room.

anti-whine: I have a hotel room! A nice hotel room! with a free bag of microwave popcorn!

to-be-determined whine: I just checked in for tomorrow's flight so I will not have to wait in ticketing line (in theory) again. At least not until that flight is indefinitely delayed (seriously that is what the official declaration was - not cancelled but indefinitley delayed - WTF?)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I woke up Thursday, I found out flight to DC was delayed which would void any possibility of making a connection to Hometown flight. So, I went immediately to the airport because calling US (wait, this is a blog I should use a pseudonym) SuckyAirways is completely useless (if you do not get a busy signal (probability of which is 15%), then you are automatically disconnected). I went back to see my friends the gate agents and rebooked on a flight through the CityofNotherlyLove (all 6 direct flights were booked or cancelled). Flight was delayed and we waited on the tarmac for close to 90 minutes. Connection was delayed even longer but I eventually made it home. Total number of different reservations I had in less than 24 hours: 5. Total number of hours spent in the airport: 17. Total number of hours in flight: less than 2

Overheard/overseen at the airport:

"There are 5 of us, so we can drive all night and make it there tomorrow night" - woman & friends who declared they would just drive from Northeast Airport to Florida for the race (I'm assuming this one). Perhaps she didn't realize that the reason we were all standing in line re-booking our flights was that there were several inches of ICE falling from the sky. Not exactly the best driving conditions.
"hi. I'm scheduled to get married Friday and I'm wondering if I can reschedule for Monday or Tuesday?" - woman on a cell phone standing in airport with group of family, friends, and future-husband who were planning to fly to Cancun for her wedding.
Woman in the seat next to me while we sat on the tarmac - sobbing on phone with her father's answering machine. Someone had died or was near death (I'm guessing the latter) and she wasn't sure if she'd make it to Florida to be with her father but was clearly putting on a brave face for him.
Large group of students with disabilities running through the airport to board a plane bound for Ft Lauderdale only to sit on the tarmac for hours and attempt to take off twice. None of those passengers were too happy when they got off that plane (including woman determined to drive).
State troopers on segways zooming through the airport. Honestly, the strangest thing I've ever seen. First, when did state troopers replace TSA? Second, where did they get the budget for segways?
My sister booked a flight to visit us in March. Her seats are messed up and she is worried because she is flying with her 2 year old son (and she doesn't fly much). While I'm waiting to board my delayed flight she calls to complain that she has been calling SuckyAirways and Partner and was on hold forever with Partner but Sucky's line was always busy. I explain to her that perhaps the reason is that people like me are stranded in the Northeast. Perhaps her seating requests could wait a week or two. "Oh yeah I forgot about that" Wish I could have.

There are undoubtedly more stories I should tell. In my 9 hours at the airport Wed, I kept thinking "I need to remember that for my blog" but the following 8 hours apparently zapped those memories. Despite the craziness, I was particularly stress-free during the whole thing. I smiled at the craziness, laughed at the crazies, and had an excellent stay at the hotel (slept from 5-8:30pm and then 10:30-7!). I was quite relieved to be back home. I even complimented the SuckyAirways gate crew in NortheastAirport and I told him that is was not often that I am impressed by Sucky crew members so they shold take my compliment with the utmost of sincerity.

a new beginning

2007-02-11T11:40:00.000-05:00

We decided to declare all interviews/rejections/etc thus far as the PreSeason. I still have 2 interviews and that is the standard number (at least in my estimation). And, as TheHusband so often tells me, you WANT your team to lose during pre-season so you can see your own weaknesses and your opponents' strengths. In preparation for the official beginning of job season, I've thought about two more potential problems with my interview skills (or lack of). 1) When I'm around people I really admire (for their research) I tend to be meek and diminutive which is the exact opposite of my real personality. I smile, nod, and say "yes" to everything. I act like more of an undergrad than a postdoc. I don't know why I do this and my behavior quickly changes once I know the person. I'm not exactly sure how to change this or how it might negatively impact the outcome of my interview. I just plan to be aware of this and try to be my best self at all times during these interviews. 2) I've been thinking long term during the PreSeason. I am sick of moving. I am sick of living with white walls and cheap carpet. I want to have my own space. I want to make decisions that do include thinking "well, I'm going to move soon" Why might this hurt my interviewing? Because all departments have problems, that is just a fact. But when you think long term, even small problems seem big. I think "Oh my, could I really live with this problem for the REST of my ENTIRE LIFE?" And I'm sure this gives off a negative vibe. So, I've decided to think in terms of "starting my career" What great resources, collaborators, lab space, etc with which to begin my career! I don't have to stay forever. I will buy a house/apartment/condo or some space. I will paint it vibrant colors and fill it with furniture I love. So what if I have to sell it in a few years and move. Any department, any department at all, must be better than my "plans" if I don't get a job this year.

The score is 0-0, let the games begin!

Fun with Google

2007-02-08T13:01:00.000-05:00

Recent google searches (quotation marks are part of the search) that landed on my blog:

Sounds like I have a pretty exciting life...

what jobs require diapers
baby stealing coyotes
poopies
escape from the hospital
how long does it take jello shots to set

Or not so exciting...

a life of rejection
academic "job talk" [I so love the quotation marks here]
what would you do if
why life is so annoying
"I need a cookie"

oh, and we are all sick

2007-02-08T12:24:00.000-05:00

In addition to the rejections that fill my inbox and pain our hearts, the apparently family is also home to a variety of physical pains. TheKid vomitted on me Monday just after I had read one such email. He now has some crazy cough/congestion that keeps him up at night. Tuesday night, he was up with TheHusband from midnight until about 3:30. Last night, he was up with me from about 3-5:30. TheHusband suffers only from exhaustion from being up all night with TheKid or worrying about the future. Unlike me, he can't decide to sleep all day while boycotting all things academic. As for me, well I tried to post a video but I guess I don't know how. In the video, TheKid tells you "mama got da boo-boo on her buuutttt!"

Why?

2007-02-08T11:22:00.000-05:00

Why? That is the question - how is it possible to have so many interviews and no offers? What did I do wrong? That is a tough question and I've been thinking about it endlessly. (I guess that probably goes without saying.) I think the problem is that I had too many interviews. I know this may sound crazy. I know that if I were reading and I had no interviews or 2 interviews (which seems to the average in my field as far as I can tell) then I'd probably be thinking "I'd like to break apparently's neck, too many interviews, come on!" I get that. So if that is you then I apologize in advance, but let me explain.

Also let me tell you that I'm not in a field where there are no jobs (again this may be obvious) and it is commonplace to adjunct or hold on for a few years until a job comes along (I'm not in the humanities). I never considered that I might not get a job. I mean, I do tend to be a bit of a worrier so I hypothetically worried about it, but not really.

Ok now back to the issue: I had too many interviews. First let's consider the deciders. Why should they care how many interviews I have and why oh why do they ask? Well, I don't know why they ask but they do. Usually I say that I've had a few others. Then sometimes they push and push and ask where and how many, etc. I suppose I could lie, but I'm not a liar. Most often, though, they found out during the invite. Either I didn't return their initial email for a day or two because I was out of town at another interview, or setting up a time to visit was nearly impossible (because everyone wants to schedule at the same exact time). Now why do they care? Well again I've never been on that side of the fence, so I don't know but I do know that a few people explicitly said that part of the reason they didn't hire me is that they didn't think I'd accept the job. What? Well some of them just have an inferiority complex - I know that a few schools called mutual friends or acquaintances and asked if I'd really take a job there. I'm guessing that some people might look at my training (grad school and post doc where at the premier departments in my field), people thought I'd want to have a high power job at a prestigious place. Now maybe I would - I don't actually know. What is most important to me is the atmosphere in the dept, not its ranking or perceived ranking, so if the atmosphere is great then I'd be happy at a top school but if it is not so good then I would not be happy at a top school. But the fact is that it doesn't actually matter where I think I might want a job because that is not how the market works. I don't get to select where I have a job. I apply to jobs that advertise and they choose me (or not, apparently). The point here is that no only do we as academics suffer from imposter syndrome, but departments at large also do -- well she'll never accept a job here, we aren't good enough, certainly she'll have better offers. And that is beyond frustrating.

Now consider me - what impact did having so many interviews have on my game? Well, I was definitely, unquestionably confident. Confidence can be dangerous because it allows us to ask questions we might not otherwise ask ("What is the atmosphere for women and especially women with children?"), make evaluative comments ("Your teaching load is 2-2 with no TA support, really? Wow, that is very high for a department producing such a high quantity and quality of research" - I might point out that this is in fact the truth but maybe it sounds insulting or negative?) rather than just smiling and saying "oh that sounds great" I suppose confidence is intimidating? I don't know. Having so many job talks also completely exhausted me. I mean completely. So maybe I looked tired (interpreted as bored? unpleasant? stupid? unengaged?)? I didn't spy on everyone in the department and pretend that I was a huge fan of their research and couldn't wait to collaborate with them. I know some people do that and others who don't -- maybe I would have if I wasn't so busy traveling and interviewing.

Maybe people were really expecting me to be some kind of genius and when it turned out that I was actually just average, they were disappointed. That actually sounds a bit crazy now that I wrote it down, so I don't know. I can't imagine people thinking I'm a genius but then again I can't imagine people thinking I wouldn't accept a position in what is a good department.

Maybe I just have fierce competition - this is true actually but I can't believe I'm at the bottom of the barrel. I know that a few departments tried to get a second line from the dean to hire me (one dept is allegedly still trying). Another one or two sent a very detailed and heartfelt "thank you" stating that the vote was "excruciatingly close." I know that my area of research is not sexy at the moment (it was sexy in the 1960s and I'm sure it will be again but not now) but they knew that when they invited me for an interview, right?

Oh and I'm not a showgirl. I tend to be rather honest (some might say that is an understatement). On the other hand, what you see is what you get. I don't pretend I want to help people (I do basic research and I don't apologize for that). I don't pretend that I love everyone and everything - I'm just realistic. It is not ok that your department is spread across 3 buildings. That is less than optimal and I want to know what you plan to do about it. But I haven't punched anyone or went on a tirade or anything worthy of story-telling. My job talk is very clear, I get lots of intelligent questions from the entire spectrum of the audience (students, people outside my area, people in my area). So how on earth is it possible that I may not have a job next year -- I just don't know.

PS, I realize I'm rambling and ranting and I apologize, I just need to get these thoughts out of my head and onto (virtual) paper.

Tissue please

2007-02-07T10:45:00.000-05:00

I've always been pretty good at the whole academic thing. I've never been The Best but I've always been good. I wasn't the valedictorian. I didn't get departmental honors. But I did get (smallish) scholarships, people (faculty in my undergrad dept) knew who I was and that I was someone to watch. In grad school I really hit my stride. By pure luck I ended up working with an extremely famous person who was TheBestAdvisorEver and it worked for me. Can't actually compare me to the others in my grad school class because they all dropped out. I suppose it is fair to compare me to the other grad students in the lab that I overlapped with. If we are just counting pubs then I'm by far the best. On more subjective measures, half of those dudes are just smarter, more dedicated, more savvy, more technically skilled, more politically skilled, etc than me and half aren't. I graduated with several high quality, first author papers, several awards and was on my way.

I had several postdocs to chose from. I tend to be extremely indecisive for some reason and I simply could not pick one. Then I found out I was pregnant, which was a bit of a shocker, so I went with the postdoc closest to my family. Shhh, don't tell anyone. As it turns out that also happens to be a postdoc in the most famous lab by far, so no one really had any reason to question my decision - on paper it was clearly the best choice. Little did I know* it was a terrible choice. This postdoc has been pretty shitty. I actually shouldn't complain, I'm sure many people would love to have this gig, but it was definitely not what I was looking for and I've been nothing but miserable. My postdoc advisor and I never really clicked. He has a very different style than BAE and I'm just not suited for this environment. We are not collaborators. I very much report what I have done on a strictly scheduled basis and he arranges for me to be paid. I've been extremely lonely here personally and professionally. (With the exception of the fact that I have the best husband and kid ever, so in that arena this has been by far the happiest few years of my life.) I could elaborate and maybe I will later but not now. Despite my misery (or maybe because of my misery), I had an insanely productive year this year including 2 papers in special issue in my field (too lazy to find links to previously blogged posts). I was told repeatedly by both BAE, postdoc mentor, and everyone else that I had an outstanding CV and I'd have no problem getting a job. And for the first several months, they seemed to be right. I had a billion phone interviews. I have double digit on campus interviews. Double digits. This is un.heard of. I was on top of the world. On. top. of. the. world. I couldn't believe it (again too lazy to find links). I actually thought (and still do) that I was probably an EEO candidate at some places - not too many women in my field and close to none in my specialty. But still, double digits. So I've been gone a lot. I've literally traveled across the entire country. And I've cried all night. Why? Well, I'm 85% sure I will not have a job next year.

update: I forgot to follow-up on the *, so here it is: *It was a snow day so as all good parents do, we dropped TheKid off at daycare and went to a movie. We saw Stranger than Fiction which I really liked, TheHusband wished it was funnier. After he hears "Little did he know this would lead to his eminent death," the main character spends some time trying to figure out if he is part of a tragedy or comedy. I too am trying to figure out if this part of my life is a comedy or a tragedy. I'll let you know.

Rorschach for toddlers

2007-01-06T10:03:00.000-05:00

What is this?
TheKid: baseball field

And this?
TheKid: baseball field

Ok, what is this?
TheKid: Mama's baseball field
(why, because it is pink?)

This?
TheKid: Charlie Brown Christmas Tree

Finally, what is this?
TheKid: third base
(its always third or home, first and second base get no respect. of course, it is actually kitchen tile)

apparently, where are you?

2007-01-05T10:55:00.000-05:00

Where have I been, you ask? In a food induced coma. I eat when I am hungry or when I am particularly stressed. The academic job market lends itself to massive eating. The holidays make the eating particularly sweet and sticky. My pants don’t fit. I’m not kidding.

I’m in a funk of sorts. Now the average person might be jumping off walls, so happy to have the ridiculous number of job interviews that I have. I realize this. However, I am not average or sane (apparently). I have been reflecting quite a bit this week and have multiple posts twirlling around in my head, look for upcoming posts on:

1. the new daycare situation (short version: its not so great)
2. why my happiness and sanity are tied to some silly job (short version: perfectionism)
3. updates on the various job interviews
4. why my mother and I don't really get along anymore (short version: she was disrespectful/mean/or something to me when I was pregnant)

I want my ....

2006-12-24T20:41:00.000-05:00

(at dinner)

Apparently: What kind of ribs are these?
TheHusband: Spare Ribs
Apparently: What kind of meat is that?
TheHusband: pork
Apparently: What are baby back?
TheKid: {turns around so his back is facing us}
TheHusband: beef
Apparently: {notices TheKid} what's a baby back?
TheKid: right here {points to back}
Apparently: oh, is that your baby back?
TheKid: yah
{hysterical laughter all around}

Revenge of the Poopies, apparently style

2006-12-24T16:51:00.000-05:00

(title stolen from Phantom because, well becaue there is no other title that one could use)

TheKid is pretty well potty trained during day at home. Naps, overnight, and outings require diapers. We've told him to be sure to tell us if he has to pee or poop even if he is in a diaper. TheHusband is an enforcer and really emphasizes this. I on the other hand don't care. I've not met a 16 year old (without a disability) in a diaper yet so I'm guessing it will all work out.

That's the poopies and now for the revenge.

Yesterday TheKid was "taking a nap" where taking a nap means reading, singing, talking to baby dolls, etc in his bedroom alone. After about an hour or so he yells "all done night night" which is our cue to go get him. Up I go and I see a naked kid, toys and books all over (kinda like this only inside his room). Fine. But then I see the poopy. A poopy diaper (not as bad as your are imagining, just a little) laying on the floor and a bit that has fallen on the floor (and been stepped in) and another bit on the bed. There is clean dipaer laying on the floor. It appears he tried to change his diaper but that didn't work out and so he yelled for us. I of course blame this on the enforcer and ask him to lay off. TheKid and TheHusband take a shower to remove any remaining poopies. I opened a brand new contained of Lysol wipes and cleaned everything in the room, washed the animals baby dolls, and bedding. Threw away a book. Ah, what fun christmas memories these will be.

Is this normal?

2006-12-22T13:32:00.000-05:00

Today is the last day of work for TheGreatestBabysitterEver (formerly PGAT if you are keeping tabs). And I am seriously sad. As in don't-think-about-it-or-I-might-shed-a-tear sad. Is this normal?

All week I've been telling TheKid that this was TGBE's last week and then she was going to school and he'd be going to school. Aren't you excited? It will be so fun. You'll get to play with kids and with new toys. Every time and I mean every time he says "No School. Home. TGBE." TGBE also tries to give him similar pep talks, You'll get a new teacher, it will be fun to which he replies "No. TGBE I teacher (pointing to her)"

I'm sad to see her go but on the other hand I'm thrilled. She is a young girl from a poor part of town and she wants to be a math teacher (but currently a B-school student, afraid of not making any money as a teacher). I want her to get a degree and do great things. I think she will be fantastic whatever she does.

Best wishes TGBE, we love you.

Dear L Student,

2006-12-21T21:58:00.000-05:00

Please take responsibility (and the big D that comes along with it) and leave me alone.
thanks & happy holidays!
- apparently

I do not accept late assignments (where late means after the office closes the day it is due). Period. This particular assignment was handed out the first day of class and due the last week of class. I begged and pleaded for people to turn it in early. I gave extra credit for handing in a brief sketch of the assignment. L. Student (where L stands for lazy, lying, late, take your pick) placed the assignment in my mailbox at least 2 days late. L. Student only needed a D on this assigment to get a C in the class. Instead, L. Student has a D in the class. L. Student claims to have turned in the assignment on time. I see no possible way that this is true. None. I suggested other possible ways to try to get the points required for a C, L. didn't even attempt. L. did not complete the extra credit earlier in the semester (which would have resulted in a C). Today L. Student states that this is unfair and wants to speak to someone else. Be my guest I say. But what's the point, L.? You messed up. Welcome to real life where your actions (or lack thereof) have consequences. (Oh and in case you are wondering, this assigment is worth roughly 5% of the final grade, it is a small little fun assignment, not a big deal.)

just read this

2006-12-21T16:41:00.000-05:00

http://slavesofacademe.blogspot.com/2006/12/all-about-academia.html

pretty sums up everything I've been thinking for the past week or so, especially the very last line

rejection

2006-12-20T13:37:00.000-05:00

The thing about academic life is that it is full of rejection. F.U.L.L. of it. And for the most part, that is ok with me. I don't mind when my papers get rejected. I don't like it, that is for sure. But usually some of the comments are valid and I hit myself on the forehead for not thinking of it myself. And some of the negative comments are things that can be fixed, others are just reviewers being biased or maybe even just plain stupid. I usually get angry for a day or so and then read the reviews again and realize that the vast majority are valid comments devise a plan to deal with them. This may sound crazy but I like the challenge of it (kinda, sorta, sometimes). If I can convince OldFamousDude to accept it, then it must be a really good paper.

Jobs are a whole different ballgame. I hate these rejections. They are so personal. (I know I know, you shouldn't take it personally. But seriously how can I not?) I have friends on search committees, I know that the chosen one was chosen sometimes based on completely random and/or ridiculous reasoning.* The best woman does not necessarily win.

Maybe (ok, definitely) I've been in a state of denial about the probability of me getting a job but then again I don't know anyone without a job (maybe that is because they don't attend academic conferences). Reality bites.

*For example, we don't want to hire a person who studies X (wtf did you interview me then you bastards?), your research area is too similar to a person in the dept (repeat question above), we think we have a better chance of getting person Y (is that a good way to make a business decision - let's go for the person who will say "yes" not the best candidate?), you weren't nice enough to me (2 days of 12 hour niceness is impossible, but I bet that I was honest), you didn't think enough about my area of research (that is why I study in MY area of research - I like it better than yours and I'm sure you feel the same).

Everything and Nothing to Say

2006-12-07T08:53:00.000-05:00

I have a lot I'd like to tell you. But I can't. Interviews 2 & 3 are done. I was so hopeful about #2 but I just don't think it is right for me which is too bad because I'd love love love to live there. #3 on the other hand was ridiculously impressive excpet something, not job related. Cryptic, I know.

The academic life (whatever that means) really toys with your self identity. I'm still struggling to allow myself to 1. not be defined by my job but 2. not let long held visions of where and how I'd live define my potential jobs.

Oh, and I now have one more interview and one more phone interview. In case you are keeping count, I correctly guessed 3 of those 5.

Sorry if none of this makes sense. I need more sleep.

promoted

2006-12-04T21:00:00.000-05:00

TheKid started gymnastics today. They want to promote him to the next level. Apparently he has remarkable upper body strength and tumbling ability. FriendWithKids was a gymnast and her son is in gymnastics. I sort of thought it was funny when she told me. I thought maybe she planned on training him for the olympics or something. Then I realized that going to gymnastics was probably more fun and less work than running around the baseball field at the local park in 30 degree weather or running around the mall, both of which are our current coping mechanims to get TheKid a bit tired. He has So.Much.Energy. So we enrolled him and apparently he is a natural. The next level is for older kids (but the teacher thinks he'll be great if he can manage to pay attention to a bit of instruction) and is only offered during the day. I'm thinking maybe we'll do it. I should be all done with this job interview business after Jan and hopefully I'll have a job all set up and I can sleep for the entire spring semester. Except for the one day he goes to class, then I can pretend to be a stay at home mom and bring TheKid to the gym. The funniest part of this story and if you knew me, you'd really appreciate the humor, is that I have zero athletic ability. Zero. The fact that my kid is obsessed with sports, can throw a ball farther and faster than I can, and is a natural gymnast is almost hysterically funny.

RBOC: Interview #1

2006-12-03T16:41:00.000-05:00

I talk really really really fast

The chair's secretary has a stripper name, I almost laughed out loud (seriously, I might have laughed but pretended it was for a different reason).

The Kid wears underwear. I was only gone 2.5 days and he now wears underwear during the day with the Best Babysitter EVER.

I nearly used the barf bag on my flight. We had to fly through some rough weather from the big storm and it was pretty awful. So awful that I talked to my neighbor, "so, where are you from?" Luckily he likes to talk. Alot. I don't talk to people on planes. In fact, I rarely talk to strangers under any circumstances. At one point I started sweating and getting really flush and I visually located the bag just in case. I even ordered a ginger ale to drink. I hate ginger ale.

I thought this dept was a poor fit on paper, but I was w.r.o.n.g. I'm actually very impressed.

I got another interview while I was at this one. That makes 5 (2 of them I guessed, 1 of them is DreamJob) so I guess there is nothing wrong in the universe after all.

I've had a throbbing headache for about 2 weeks and my suitcase hasn't been empty since the week before Thanksgiving. I'm a little tired.

There has been a revolution in hotel supplied toiletries. For a very long time now, it has been extremely rare to find conditioner in a hotel. Almost universally, its been shampoo plus conditioner which sucks. Every hotel I've been to this year has supplied conditioner.

Update: I'm currently at interview #2 location.
I just found out that TheKid wore underwear for 4 hours today with TheHusband

It's dark here and its only 4:30, yuck.

If it comes down to which location had the hotel with the best hand soap - this place will almost surely win.

Time to research the dept. Hope to update later this week.

Checking In

2006-11-23T10:42:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is my very favorite holiday because I was born on Turkey Day (you probably thought I was going to say something about spending time with family but its all about me apparently).

I obviously haven't posted much lately and this trend will continue for the next few weeks. In the next 3 weeks, I'll be out of town 5 times, make, give, and grade 2 exams, turn 31, and maintain partial sanity. This schedule does not allow time for blogging. And during the past two weeks I've been out of town for several days and had a houseguest.

Not to worry, I'll be back.

sick sick sick

2006-11-09T20:54:00.000-05:00

We are all sick - me, TheKid, TheBabysitter. Sick. Sick. Sick. We have some kind of flu/fever/cold/ funk. Then tonite TheHusband was making dinner and on kid duty while I was laying down/trying to work a little. The Kid grabbed a pan on the stove and burnt the hell out of his hand. It blistered immediately. He cried for a long while then whined off and on for a while. Our poor sympathetic selves let him watch TV all night long and go to the baseball field in the near-dark (all of 5:30pm). We even made cookies. His pain seems to be gone now and he is fast asleep. Poor baby. Poor guilt-ridden daddy and poor sick sick mommy. Hope your week is going better than ours.

motivation

2006-11-03T22:24:00.000-05:00

nothing like a big stack of grading to motivate me to clean my house

in completely unrelated news ... When we went to the wedding in BigWestCoastState we left our stroller at the airport. We had an overnight flight and had to go to work, oversized baggage was taking entirely too long, so we ditched it. It was free, it was our travel stroller, it had been around the world, we almost left it in Ireland, we did leave it in Newark (and they returned it to us), so leaving it in our own airport was a bit anticlimactic but we did it anyway.

TheHusband is back in BWCS for a football game (his best-man gift). I drove him to the airport and decided to check if they still had our bag. They did not. They only keep bags for 3 days (what! 3 days, can you believe that??). But they gave me a different one. It appears to be absolutely positively brand new. I didn't ask any questions, I just said thank you. But how strange? How can the airline file bankruptcy but have new strollers to hand out to anyone who asks? So, I can't get a bag of pretzels but I can get a stroller? hmmm. ok. [Note, I didn't complain at all, not once. I explained to them the situation just as I explained it to you. I didn't really care about this stroller, I just asked because I happened to be there.]

and in more completely unrelated news ... another friday, another job talk scheduled. I wanted to yell out "you like me, you really like me" to academia but I didn't (well, I guess I am now).

Settling down to Sleep

2006-10-31T20:37:00.000-05:00

TheKid has always been a terrible, horrible sleeper. Like me, he takes a long time to unwind before dreamland arrives. I usually watch a little TV, something mindless. He plays, reads books to the baby dolls, talks to the train, cries until we come back, or some combination thereof. Most nights it takes about 60 minutes for him to fall asleep, sometimes closer to 90. Yesterday, he came up with a new strategy to prepare for bed -- he threw every * single * item in his entire room except the chair, desk, bed, and laundry over the gate. We ignored him - we certainly didn't want him to think this was an effective attention-getting strategy. (The gate apparently fell down at the end.) He cleaned it up (well, ok we cleaned up 80% and he picked up 20%) in the morning. Fun times.

Elmo goes pee pee on the potty

2006-10-31T20:34:00.000-05:00

Elmo is apparently being potty trained along with TheKid.

Question

2006-10-29T12:21:00.000-05:00

If we are not having a birthday party, why are 6 people driving 2 hours to come to my house right now?

Quiz Time

2006-10-29T12:11:00.000-05:00

Suppose you bought a train for your son's birthday. Would you:

A.) Make your son an expert in using the phrase "what the hell!" as you spend an hour fighting with the form fitting plastic holding (onto for dear life) all the little parts.

B.) Spend about 3 hours trying to put all the little parts together, have a mini-mental breakdown because parts will NOT fit together.

C.) Then rememer there was some sort of paper that came with train. Retrieve paper. See that paper in fact has instructions AND a list of all the little parts. After reading said paper, realize that one little part is missing (& has been replaced with similar little part but with opposite ends). Realize it is not possible to put together all the little parts with one missing and send husband back to store to get replacement train.

D.) A then B then C

E.) A then C but not B

Cue the Balloons

2006-10-28T10:11:00.001-04:00

Happy Blog-o-birthday to me! This is my 100th post. I hear that a blogger "finds her voice" in the first 100 posts and the quality thereafter tends to be better. Don't bet on it dear readers!

So what do I have to say for myself in this 100th post -- I just scheduled my first job talk at Univ of Hearing. I'm excited. Not so much because this is a dream job, though it does have a pretty solid group of faculty. I'm more excited because I've been paranoid since, hmmm about March, that I would be a jobless drunk at home with The Kid next year. Don't get me wrong, this job talk does not mean that I will not be jobless drunk SAHM* but it does give me hope. And it is always so nice to talk to these people on the phone because they are sort of obligated to tell you that you are great and who doesn't love that? Person from from VeryGoodButReligousSchool called me a superstar.

*I have the utmost respect for SAHMs because I'm pretty sure I'd pull out all of my hair in the first week. I can do a max of 4 consecutive days at home before I'm ready to throw myself in front of a train.

Today Was A Good Day

2006-10-25T19:04:00.000-04:00

When I got back from my very fabulous talk I had the following email waiting:

Dear apparently,

PersonInYourArea and I (and others) are very happy that you are

interested in this position. The search committee meets soon and

should have some information to convey regarding your

status in the search around {exact date}.

Chair

UnivIPredicted

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours later when I got home I had this email waiting:

Dear apparently,

We've reviewed your application and I'd like to call and ask a

few questions. When are you available?

Chair

VeryGoodButReligiousSchool

and so it begins, job search3.0

Academic Talks, Pep Talks, and Tattoos

2006-10-25T16:25:00.000-04:00

I just gave a great talk to a great audience and there is nothing better!*

I was composed and clear, animated, and a touch funny. The audience asked all the right questions at all the right times and a few hard questions. I love hard questions - not mean questions but hard questions - I like being forced to think during a talk rather than just perform.

The first talk I ever gave was a utter failure. Actually, the talk itself was ok, maybe even approaching good. But before the official talk I scheduled a practice talk during lab meeting. I made nice slides and have everything in perfect order. When I stood up to give my practice talk, I completely fell apart. I tried to talk but I couldn’t. I literally froze. Then I laughed and tried to talk again but I just kept saying “uh, ... so, ... uh, ...so”

BestAdvisorEver stopped me and said we’d work on it later. Then that weekend (it was a Sunday evening and I remember thinking how generous BAE was to spend all Sunday evening working with me on this) we met and he told me a story about a very famous academic guy who gives wonderful talks.** The little secret is that VFAG is performing. He writes down every word that he intends to say, repeatedly edits it until it is just right, and then memorizes it word for word. Of course, VFAG realizes that giving a talk is a performance, the content of what you say is often just as important as how you say it (even academic talks). The key is that it doesn’t sound as if his talk is memorized (at all).

BAE suggested I flip through each slide and write down exactly what I would say for each slide. He then edited my typed out words. I then translated his editing into words I’d be comfortable saying. And I memorized.

I used this technique for many years and I still use it when I feel anxious about an upcoming talk. I used it for my job talk last year.

Somehow I’ve gained a bucket full of calmness and confidence in the past few years. I’ve finally reached that stage where I believe that I know more about the topic I’m presenting than anyone in the audience does. Recently I’ve been giving good talks (of course, I’m talking about MyVeryFavoriteManuscript so that helps) and I’m just so pleased with myself. Speaking is definitely one of those areas where I can sit back and appreciate just how far I’ve come. Today was a good day.

*well, ok I can think of a few things but they either involve food or sex

**was this a true story - I don’t know but I do know that he named an actual person. VFAG is chair of a dept to which I am applying - maybe I’ll get the chance to ask him.

Funny story for those of you who’ve come this far - about a month ago we bought temporary tattoos for TheKid. I put a ring of spiders around my ankle. Then this morning, I put on capri-like pants and saw my tattoo. I could not remove it - I tried putting on lotion, oil, vasoline, and nothing worked. I did manage to run off parts but that only make it worse. So, I gave a great talk with a half-removed spider tattoo clearly visible on my ankle.

What would you do if

2006-10-22T20:46:00.000-04:00

you were upstairs sick in bed and heard your mother-in-law say to your not-yet-2-yr-old-kid "if you touch that* again I'm going to smack your hands" when you have a clear and FIRM belief in using NO physical punishment?

a.) go downstairs, grab (rescue?) kid and tell off MIL
b.) yell, "I don't think so lady!"
c.) realize that if you move an inch, you will vomit all over the place and then the whole situation will go haywire. so just wait in bed until you realize the kid has moved on to bigger and better games and is no longer being threatened and then vow to never let MIL babysit again. Then spend 2 hours asking your husband how he plans to deal with this situation. My parents are VERY clear on this situation (though they obviously believe in physical punishment given my childhood) so I figure this is for him to address.

The correct answer is C (though if I were not sick, I'm sure it would have been A)

I'm not sure what to do now. I like MIL, I really do. But seriously, WTF lady? I'm pretty sure we've discussed this in the past. I'm 99% sure because I remember a story she told me about smacking her kid in front of her mother who then smacked her back and said "don't you ever hit my grandson again" So what is she thinking? Especially threatening to smack him over something so ridiculous. Believe me The Kid has done much worse than try to play with a rock.

I'm not an indirect person or shall we say I'm not very good at sugar-coating requests or opinions - if I resolve this situation, it will go something like this:
"MIL, I understand that you have opinions on how to discipline kids and that is fine. You are welcome to have your own opinion. But here is my opinion and it is the only one that matters because he is my kid. Do not ever hit, threaten to hit, or so much as place a hand on my kid with an unpleasant thought in your mind, you will never and I mean never see him again - got it? Let me say it once more because I'm not fucking around here - you will never hit, smack, or even tap my kid or threaten to do so, are we clear?" And I'm very good at remaining perfectly calm in these situations which seems to scare people. I guess if you freak out or cry or something then people attribute your behavior to being crazy or angry or hysterical but if you are calm people really understand that you mean it and it can be a little intimidating (or something, I don't know because I don't scare myself).

For the moment I'm not dealing with it but something must be said. Gotta love the relatives.

*He was touching an unlit candle surrounded by rocks, he likes the rocks a lot. Why? Because he was probably bored out of his skull. MIL just wanted him to watch TV and wouldn't take him outside to play with balls and run around - his all time favorite activity. Why MIL didn't just move the tempting candle is beyond me - she must have told him no a thousand times that day.

and the group singing doesn't help either

2006-10-19T21:55:00.000-04:00

When I was young, my family was poor. Welfare, reduced lunch tickets, government approved babysitter (because the govt paid part of the bill), poor. We lived in a modest neighborhood, so it wasn't actually all that uncommon. There were certainly people who had less than we did. And people who had more. I didn't think too much of it. I do remember a pair of fushia high tops that some other kids made fun of. (Actually, I remember one particular kid - a tall red head named Keith* - making fun of them.) Yes there were left over from last year and yes they were buy one get one free from Payless and yes they were the only pair I had. But I liked them so I didn't really care what Keith thought. I've always been thick-skinned in that way. I do what I do because I want to. If you don't like it, that is your problem. In fact, I just might like it more because you don't. Keith had kangaroos on his shoes after all, clearly he had bad taste.

The only time I hated being poor (really, the only time I thought much about it at all) was at a birthday party. All the other kids seemed to buy bigger and better gifts. And this does not go unnoticed at a birthday party when everyone is gathered around oohing and ahhing at the fantastic gift from Bobby. Then oohing and ahhing at the great gift from Susy. So, I don't like birthday parties. I just don't. It brings back bad feelings. I wonder if anyone feels like I felt. These days I suppose it is more likely that someone is maxing out a credit card to buy that super terrific gift rather than being honest about what they can or cannot afford and I wonder about that too.

(related sidebar) I hate the idea of having stuff just to have stuff. I'm not saying that I don't have fun things, I certainly do. But I don't want my kid growing up with each and every must-have toy because it is a must-have toy. I want him to appreciate what he has and appreciate that he has more than others. No matter how little you have, there are always others who have less. No matter how much you have, there are always others who have more.

Why am I telling you this? The Kid's birthday is quickly approaching. The Husband knows everything I think and he pretty much agrees (even though he was raised in a must-have-it-all family). So, we don't have birthday parties for The Kid. We were absolutely tormented into having a party last year and so we did. We told people not to bring gifts and we told our parents to tell people we actually meant it. Some brought gifts anyway. Others assumed we wanted money rather than things and grudgingly stuffed money into cards (don't ask I have no idea, I guess the thought of bringing nothing is just too new age for some of my relatives). We knew this might happen (the gifts, not the money) and asked my mom not to have an oohh and awweee session (party was at her house). She did it anyway. So no more parties. When he gets older and asks to have friends over, we'll oblige I'm sure. But not a cake-eating, see who brings the coolest gift party. We'll have a have fun with your friends because you like to spend time with them party.

My birthday is just a month after The Kid's. Feel free to deposit birthday cash in my paypal account: lifeapparently@justkidding.com

*To be fair, Keith was actually a nice kid and he was my friend. He was a very tall, very redheaded kid so I'm sure he has his own memories of taunting.

pretty

2006-10-18T10:27:00.000-04:00

I have to submit mid-term grades this week, look at my lovely (if slightly low) distribution.

F 5%

D 11%

C 36%

B 38%

A 10%

I'd like to get rid of the bottom 5% and shift everything else up a bit. Why do I have a feeling my students won't think it is so pretty?

I need a cookie

2006-10-17T12:45:00.000-04:00

I'm writing a longer/more reflective (that is the goal anyway) post on this but for now you should know that I need a cookie. Unfortunately I am broke and it is pouring rain so I'm just stuck here with nothing sweet to eat. boo hoo.

I had my teaching mentor come to class today to hold an in-class (anonymous) mid-semester evaluation. We generated topics/questions for her to ask last week and the plan was for her to have about 30 mins of class time (without me) to get a sense of the community voice of the class - the strengths and weaknesses of the class - and specific information to improve this class in particular and my teaching approach in general. She'll write up a summary, we will meet and discuss specific strategies to implement, and then to complete the circle I present the problems & solutions to the students.

Ok, I was all gung-ho. I actually asked for this (WHAT? my head is now screaming!). I have nothing to lose. I'm a post-doc so teaching evaulations have zero impact on my life. Tenure is not at stake. Right? Right. I wasn't nervous at all ... until the moment she walked into class. Then I fell apart. She was about 10 mins early and those 10 mins were the worst lecture I've ever given - I didn't even understand myself. And, I kept thinking "oh no, don't mess up NOW -- it will just give them bad things to say" which only added to the problem.

My 10 mins of lecture hell are finally up and I leave ... but she borrows the microphone (that I had to sign my life away for), so I had to wait outside so I could get it back. Fine. The first 20 or so minutes were fine. Then the students started to filter out. It felt like someone told everyone in the room a secret about me but since I didn't know what secret was told, I didn't know if I should cry or laugh or what. It was a very strange feeling. (The class doors open to a student lounge, so many of them were just hanging around waiting for their next class or drinking coffee.)

Now, it is 10 minutes AFTER class ends and she is STILL in there! And, I just can't take it anymore -- what could they possibly be saying? How bad can I be? So, I ask a student from my class to go in and get the microphone and I leave.

It was sort of like the first time I read an action letter -- tension builds and builds until I find out the verdict and then everything is ok again because I know exactly what to address to get the paper published (usually, anyway). The only problem is that I was waiting outside while the letter was being drafted and I don't get to see it for a few more days.

I'm ok now, for the most part, like I said nothing bad can come of this -- but a cookie would make it all better. (hmm, this is long maybe I won't write another post after all)

37

2006-10-13T20:16:00.000-04:00

jobs applied for, 3 more to go. I just can't bring myself to finish the last 3 yet but I will.

I expect (hope? would feel pretty good if? think something in the world is not right if I don't get?) 5 interviews.* The Husband is guessing 7. Just for fun, I'll even tell you the 5 I'd bet on, if the bookies cared about such things:

1.) GradSchoolsFarmTeam (actually, it is this place)
2.) DurableUniv
3.) NearSisterBlueUniv
4.) MapleLeafUniv
5.) SnowstormUniv

*5 is a lot - SuperGeniusFriend got 3.** Actually I 've never known anyone whose had more than 3 except for the legendary tale of GradStudentWhoGraduatedBeforeIWasAnUndergrad who had 10, but as I said that story is often repeated but has never been verified (at least not by me).

**of course SGF only applied to something like 12 schools, I think 40 is some kind of record.

annoying

2006-10-13T13:35:00.000-04:00

I’m reviewing 2 papers on the very same topic by the same author for 2 different journals. In one, they claim that the effect is due to X and in another they claim it is due to B.

This is annoying.

Let us review my options 1) tell them I’m reviewing both and they should stop this nonsense 2) ignore it, if anyone actually reads the published version (assuming they get published) then the authors will look silly for saying both X and B 3) reject both of them because I am so annoyed and the papers aren’t so great anyway

I already rejected Paper X but I suspect it will get a chance at revision. Paper B I’m still reading but so far, ehhh.

uh, hmm, maybe this is why I don't have a job

2006-10-09T19:25:00.000-04:00

I've already sent out 14 apps for tenure-track faculty positions. I just packaged 13 more today. I am working on another right now and I just found a BIG typo.

----------------------------------------------------------
In addition, I have requested letters of reference from:

BestAdvisorEver (bestadvisorever.thanks)

PostDocAdvisor (postdocadvisor.thanks)

NationalMedalofScienceGuy (someoneelse.thanks)

JustALittleCrazyProf (justalittlecrazyprof.thanks)

----------------------------------------------------------

Hard to notice, isn't it -- I have the email of someone else who I no longer ask for letters (no reason, he just got bumped for people who have more face time with me these days) in place of NationalMedalofScienceGuy. Now, this is probably ok, NMSG already sent off all of his letters but still, come on apparently what is wrong with you -- 27 letters and you didn't notice!

So, what am I going to do now? Open those 13 letters I prepared but haven't sent off yet and fix them all. more fun times, at least I'm not in the bathroom.

again

2006-10-07T11:40:00.000-04:00

I did this again. To review: 3 times in 6 weeks I've displayed my password on a gigantic screen to 100 students. My newest password involves "WTF" to remind myself that I am an idiot. Bets on how long it will be until #4?

Hiding Out

2006-10-05T15:10:00.000-04:00

I drove around for 20 mins today and couldn't find a parking space - even a 2 hour space (which means I'd have to move in 2 hours, but 2 hours > 0 hours in case you didn't already know) so I just drove home.

I arrived home while TheKid was napping (I knew this would be the case), so I am now hiding out in my bedroom working. If he discovers me, he'll never let me work. I happened to be in the bathroom when he woke up from his nap so I was hiding in the bathroom for about 10 mins. Fun times.

Back to exam-making.

Dear Students

2006-09-28T13:22:00.000-04:00

Dear Students

Sorry about today's class - I was just off. You see, I've got lots of things on my mind at the moment and I haven't slept in my own bed on a Saturday night since mid-August.* I've been to 3 states in 3 weeks and I'm just plain exhausted. Job applications are due soon and the stress of the academic job market is almost too much to take sometimes. Only one of the posted jobs is to-die-for and they didn't hire me last year so I'm pretty sure they won't be hiring me this year.** I'm barely ahead of class prep-wise. I think I have enough to get through the next class, but I'm not sure. So I spend all night working on slides and neglect TheKid, TheHusband, housework, and eating. I have some kind of back-ache that won't go away, I should really see a doctor but I don't have time. And, Oprah & Gayle's road trip kept me up all night - I didn't fall asleep until 1:30. So dear students, I apologize for talking too fast, having 3 errors in the slides (though as it turns out 1 of them was not an error - I just got confused and thought it was), and generally being unclear (that is what happens when one speaks in incomplete sentences).

But of course, I can't actually tell you this, so I just laugh and smile and move forward.

love,
apparently

*No I haven't been sleeping in other people's beds either, I've been out of town! Dirty college minds.

**This is actually a lie that I'm trying to believe. I did apply last year and they did not hire me - this much is true. However the search was for people doing X with method Z and I do A with method B, so I just wasn't an option. SearchCommitteeMember said my application received a lot of attention but they really wanted area X so of course I assume that this year they want area A and namely, me. Hello foolish - of course SCM said that, what else would she say? "You really suck and we wouldn't hire you if you worked for free." - no of course not [don't mind me talking to myself here]. So I am desperately trying to convince myself that I have no chance...otherwise I'll have another breakdown in March when I do not get this job. Note to self: the job probably sucks anyway, just because the faculty are super stars and the location is amazing (cf. current location)

Crocodiles & Peeping Toms

2006-09-27T23:27:00.000-04:00

Just before we left for BigWestCoastState our digital camera broke, so we had to use the kind that requires actual film be taken to a store and returned a whole day later! (TheKid couldn't understand why he couldn't see the pictures on the back of the camera after we took them - he concluded the camera must be broke.) Anyway, here are a few pictures. The first is a crocodile (or an alligator actually, I think) - we call them all crocodiles because one of my most favorite children's books is about a crocodile, so TheKid knows crocodile. This is why the World Famous Zoo (as they repeatedly remind you) IS worth a $32 ticket - they have underwater/above water tanks for all sorts of animals (hippos, turtles, lots of reptiles, polar bears, etc). Without any doubt, this guy was my favorite. I could have stood there all day.

Maybe we should have named him Tom? Actually, he was just throwing a little fit, not looking up his uncle's girlfriend's dress - I swear. [This is one of the joys of film cameras - you get unexpected silly pictures. With the digital camera surely I'd say, oh gosh he looks like a peeper I should delete it and take another until I get the perfect one.]

Passive-aggressive, anyone?

2006-09-27T11:33:00.000-04:00

Strange Physics Grad Student (SPGS) visited our office last year and said he decided to quit Physics and join our dept. Now this is more than strange. He’s been a SPGS for about 4 years and our dept. is nowhere near Physics. Nowhere. I was trying to think of a suitable metaphor but they are just so far apart. Maybe it is like a car mechanic decided one day that he wanted to become a gardener because flowers are pretty and the car mechanic industry is pretty full. My first reaction was this guy is a Whack-O and I forgot about him. But, he MOVED IN TO MY OFFICE! What, you ask? Well, this is a bit of a side bar but my postdoc advisor left and one of the other postdocs left with him and the other got a new postdoc at a different university. So there are two free seats in my office. SPGS decided he’d like to be up here with us gardeners rather than with the car mechanics. So he moved in.

Then the office flooded. “Are you sure you would rather stay in this disaster area rather than with the car mechanics?”, I asked. Oh yes SPGS replied.

We temporarily moved while they repaired our office. We moved back in while I was out of town (someone nicely arranged for my stuff to be moved back as well, which I very much appreciate). When I arrived, I noticed that now SPGS was taking up 2 desks! He moves in and they spreads like wildfire. Now the thing is I don’t care about either of those desks and I definitely would never have used them myself so there is no reason for me to care. BUT it just gets on my nerves. Then, the straw that broke the camel’s (gardener’s?) back: he stole my power strip. See, only one of those desks had a power strip before and since he expanded his office space, he needed another. There are, I was told, about a million new power strips with the office supplies. That is not the point people, aren’t you paying attention -- you can’t just steal half of my office and my power strip.

So I just unplugged all his stuff and rightfully reclaimed my power strip. When SPGS came in that day he said, oh my computer isn’t working and I said that’s because I took back my power strip and kept working. At least I told him what the problem was - I could have let him flail around twiddling cords for a good 10 minutes, but I didn’t. See, I’m nice like that.

Well, I didn't want a deer to steal my parking meter quarters

2006-09-26T18:27:00.000-04:00

Went to lovely state park this weekend. The Sister & family joined us. I loved this place, turns out Western Maryland is gorgeous (who knew?). Unfortunately it rained all weekend and TheSister & her husband are a little stressful so I did come back a bit mentally exhausted. NephewHiney is cute cute cute. We went for a nice short hike. We had a run in with 2 skunks. We heard owls hooting. We saw too many deer to count, baby deer, and ones with cute white tails.

Saturday it stormed, it was very windy and rainy. In the middle of the night our car alarm went off. Nice way to wake up for us, the neighboring cabins, and the forest creasture I'm sure! Sorry world. The problem is that our alarm automatically sets and is very difficult to turn off. I guess we just didn't want the deer to steal my parking meter quarters (I have to pay about $3 per day so quarters are heavily guarded around here).

4 weeks, 2 password changes

2006-09-21T12:10:00.000-04:00

Twice I've displayed my password to my entire 100 student class. The room has major technical problems and was apparently designed by someone with the same level of computer savvy as my cat. To see the computer monitor, the big projection screen has to be on (don't know why since there is a perfectly nice desktop screen that also displays the desktop information but not until the projection screen is on. This means I have to enter my username and password while projected on the big screen. Well, I'm not very good at this apparently and so twice in the past 4 weeks I've displayed my password to everyone (entered it in username rather than password). I only have a total of 3 passwords that I rotate through and now I've had to invent a 4th which I'll probably give out next week anyway (IF I remember it that long).

Watch for coyotes - they'll snatch your baby

2006-09-20T20:06:00.000-04:00

We live in a midwestern city - no driveway, take the bus, walk to the grocery store in the city. We receive a little advertising newspaper every week. Once I saw a public service announcemet filler that said to beware of coyotes and never leave a small child uattended because the coyotes will snatch a small baby. I thought this was hysterical - fall on the floor laugh, call you sister funny. I've never seen a coyote anywhere near here (they actually probably live somewhere in the very general vicinity, but not in my neighborhood).

This weekend we were at a wedding (I know, our 3rd wedding since July) in BigWestCoastState. The reception was about a 40 miles or so from MajorAirport. It was kind of in the hills but very near civilization. There was a bear warning at the reception. A guy dressed in all black and carrying a big gun was patroling the outside part of the reception area. He warned us not to go outside the lighted area. I stayed inside. Then when we were leaving, the new FatherInLaw told us to watch TheKid because there were coyotes in the area that would steal our baby.

I just googled coyotes stealing babies and couldn't find anything. I'm more worried about the bears.

PS - FINALLY got wireless back hopefully this means a return to frequent blogging.

Naked Baby Butt

2006-09-11T20:57:00.000-04:00

Dear pedophiles and child pornographers:
Please go away. Google fooled you - this is not what you are looking for. You are sick and you need help. Thanks!
love, apparently

I always say "naked baby butt" when The Kid is getting a diaper change or getting out of the bath tub. I don't know why I just do. Apparently I think it is funny.

TheNephew was visiting two weeks ago. He is slightly younger than TheKid. When TheNephew got a diaper change, The Kid would say "baby butt" and then request that he too have a naked baby butt. Really, its not fair for just one kid to be nakey, right? Often the two kids would get a diaper change simultaneously and run around laughing and singing "baby butt, baby butt".

This past weekend, I was explaining to mother-in-law that TheKid pronounces TheNephew's name in a very funny way and so I was trying to get TheKid to say TheNephew's name. He is a bit of a parrot lately, so I thought if I just said "The Nephew" a few times, he would repeat me. Here is our conversation:

apparently: Do you remember your cousin, TheNephew?
apparently: Remember, TheKid and TheNephew were playing at Grandma's house?
apparently: Did you have fun with TheNephew?
TheKid: baby butt, baby butt

How does TheKid pronouce TheNephew's name? "Hiney" TheNephew's name is nothing even remotely close - it doesn't end in a y sound or a long e sound, it does not contain an h sound. I haven't the slightest how he ended up at that pronounciation.

Poor Nephew Hiney - only known as and for his baby butt.

Stalker

2006-09-11T20:34:00.000-04:00

I dated a boy in high school/early college (maybe not early college?) We broke up (obviously). I just wasn't that into him. He was a nice, relatively conservative, good boy. I like(d?) bad boys. He couldn't move on. Somehow he found my number even though I moved & got a new phone number every year during college. He showed up in CollegeTown to visit his friend's sister & wanted to visit. I said no and hid at home all night - CollegeTown was just small enough to ensure a meeting should I have left the house for any reason. When I went to grad school, he found me again - email this time. I seem to remember he told me he was getting married (and not stalking me, so I shouldn't worry). I also remember his future wife's name (because it is my middle name and I thought it was kinda funny - he'd always have a reminder).

Fast forward about 6 years.

This weekend we went to a wedding in HomeTown. The groom grew up across the street from TheHusband, so they've pretty much known each other forever, not necessarily the closest of friends, but they share lots of memories of good times. The wedding was in a pretty funky space - top floor of the building is bride & groom's loft apartment and bottom floor is art gallery and location of wedding & reception. Half of the audience was outside and half inside. Definitely not your traditional set up - no dance floor (in fact, no dancing at all but an excellent acoustic guitarist), no tapping of the glasses requiring a kiss. I liked it. Except ... The Stalker was there. His wife (mother of his 1yr old child) was the sister of the bride. He hasn't changed an ounce in the past 10 years (hmmm. can't even remember the last time I saw him - guessing it must have been around 94 or 95) But anyway, I immediatley recognized him. So I spent a while pretending not to see him but then gave up, made eye contact. I don't think he recognized me right away - but he did eventually. We never talked and that is fine with me. I think he intended to a few times but changed his mind. My kid said "bye bye baby" to his kid, but I don't think that counts. So, here is the question: will he pick up stalking where he left off? I'm not hard to find online - I just googled myself and my academic webpage is the first listing under my name. If yes (and I'm definitely betting yes) how long will it take? You'll be the first to know (ok, not really I'll tell TheSister and TheHusband first, but you are next in line - is that enough of a bribe to keep reading even though I've been a bad apparently and not blogged much lately? Please?)

Bonus Story - so I got drunk at this wedding, apparently. I didn't actually feel drunk but I did get sick in ParentInLaws bathroom after the wedding at 8pm and slept (passed out, some might say) from 8oclock on. The problem is that they had a bbq and the wedding started at 3:30, so I skipped lunch and then didn't eat much dinner because it is hard to eat sloppy food in a nice outfit with a kid on your lap.

You do the Hokey Pokey and you Turn yourself Around

2006-08-31T10:19:00.000-04:00

... that's what its all about and that's what I was doing at 8:06 this morning! (ahh, life with a toddler) What were you doing?

100 Facts in 100 (+/- 30) Days: Fact 48

2006-08-30T23:08:00.000-04:00

Cooking is theraputic for me (brought to you by TheHusband)

One down, 31 more to go

2006-08-29T20:19:00.000-04:00

Today was my first class. I am ridiculously impressed with my students. I’m in a 150 person auditorium with stadium seating, so I was a bit intimidated at first. But the students were amazing – everyone participated (the back-rowers, the athletes, everyone!) They were active and engaged. They laughed at me. They smiled and nodded. The asked questions. They answered questions. This whole "active learning really works, apparently. I love them (for now). Remind me in 3 weeks after the first exam, will ya?

100 Facts in 100 (+/- 30) Days: Fact 47

2006-08-29T20:10:00.000-04:00

Last Friday we went out for Mexican (it was crappy, this city has NO decent Mexican restaraunts, seriously, we've tried them all, I'm endlessly disappointed by this) The Husband backs up into a spot and a college girl says out her car window "you are a parallel parking Master" This, apparently, is the greatest compliment he has ever received because he keeps talking about it. I, on the other hand, am a parallel parking failure. I usually just drive around until I find a spot I can pull into or one that has enough space for a station wagon pulling a trailor. I've circled for 30 mins before - I've even given up and gone home.

100 Facts in 100 (+/- 30) Days: Fact 46

2006-08-26T14:50:00.000-04:00

The return of 100 Facts in 100 (plus or minus 30) Days. I started Jun 5, so I’m not out of the running for 100 days but I’m pretty sure that is not going to happen. I’m no quitter, though, and I will give you 100 facts (whether you like it or not!)

46. I have terrible grammar and I cannot properly use commas (or other punctuation in the comma family) BestAdvisorEver is a big fan of the colon and semi-colon. He would insert them into our papers and I would delete them or sometimes replace them with commas. Once, he called me up and asked if my computer had a virus that replaced colons and semi-colons with commas (it took a while to figure out if he was serious or trying to hint that I should stop – the lab collectively agreed it was the latter) I should probably just buy a book or something and figure it out. Instead I either avoid them or tell myself that I’m just doing my part to make sure the journal production offices hire more English majors (you are welcome)

Dear Departmental Business Managers

2006-08-26T14:26:00.000-04:00

You don't pay graduate students "just to go to school." So of them receive just barely enough money to pay the rent and buy food because once they jump through enough hoops without pissing off the wrong people and receive a Ph.D. they will still make less than you (and you probably barely got a 3.0 average in your undergrad business courses) If no one paid for them just to go to school, then 1) there would be many fewer professors to begin with and the ones who stuck it out and now have $200,000 in student loan debts would be even more bitter than they are now 2) there would be no one to grade 3) there would be no grant money and then you'd be out of a job. So mind your own business (literally and figuratively) and shut up.

thanks,
apparently

[ I overheard our BM (and I now notice just what an appropriate abbreviation that is) complaining about grad students and had to interupt when I heard this because I actually needed her to do some work. Anyway, I am particularly annoyed with her right now because I am pretty sure she is going to try to f* up my pay. I agreed to teach for a fixed amount of money in addition to my regular post doc pay. I am teaching for a different department* and BM wants to recoup some of my pay from the other department. I said "all I know is that my agreement with advisor is that my salary from him does not change and I'll receive additional money for teaching" She said "well, I'll talk to advisor and other dept BM about it then"]

*My post doc advisor was in a dept and director of a separate but relatd program - this has created ridiculous and very petty problems for me to deal with. I told off the chair of other dept two weeks ago because they wouldn't give me an office (and yes I did get an office). Guess I won't be getting a job here at Isolation U.

The Letter

2006-08-26T14:17:00.000-04:00

To Whom It May Concern,

After much contemplating, we have decided to withdraw our son, TheKid, from the UrbanMythDayCare. Given activity during the past week, it is not in his best interest to continue in this program under the leadership of CrappyDirector. …[details]… Following our most recent conversation with CrappyDirector, it is obvious that there is no long term plan to successfully transition TheKid. In short, we do not trust that this director operates in a manner that considers our child’s well being.

...[details] we are well aware of the demonstrated importance of successful transitioning and the potential devastating (and long lasting) effects of a failed or difficult transition. In fact, scientific research has clearly demonstrated …[details]… For example, [quotes from manuals]. We did not see any of this here.

The foundation of the UrbanMythDayCare program has declined over the past year and is no longer the elite daycare it was once believed to be. …[it was a hard decision, blah blah]…

Sincerely,

TheHusband
apparently, Ph.D.

[note: parts of this letter have disappeared]

Closure on the Day Care Situation

2006-08-26T14:02:00.000-04:00

The plan still remains (PGAT until Jan, then NeighborsDayCare) PGAT came over Wed, Thur, and Fri. She is pretty good (as reflected in her pseudonym) The Kid cried like a maniac when I left Wed and Thur. Friday, he said “bye bye mama before I even left.” Nice. We bought $60 worth of arts and crafts stuff for them to have art class every day. Looks like fun to me. The only thing we forgot was googly eyes. What we love most is that PGAT is so tidy. We came home early all week (mostly during nap time) and the whole house was clean, his books were neatly stacked, the blanket was folded at the foot of the bed. Just cute & clean. On Thursday we turned in a letter to day care telling them we quit. Ironically, the day before the director had called us to say that a spot opened up in a room with many of The Kid’s classmates. (Not in Room F if you are wondering, but it wouldn’t have mattered anyway, we were not changing our minds.) There are two bad things about having someone here. The most important, by far, is that I can no longer work at home. This really sucks. The second is that they use so much stuff – food, milk, paper towels. It is really amazing. I expected this but I guess, but I didn’t quite expect it to be so obvious. Oh well.

just like his mother

2006-08-26T11:48:00.000-04:00

TheHusband is out of town and TheKid is a bit grouchy (he's got a lingering cold or some kind of funk) So, I popped some popcorn (at 10:30am!) and put on The Music Man. He ate 3 (kid size) bowls of popcorn while quietly watching the movie for 45 minutes.

PS - look for the following posts soon:
return of 100 facts, Saturday update on day care situation, and excerpts from letter to old day care saying we quit (in which I pull out the PhD card), thoughts on teaching (which starts in 4 days)

Monday Update on Day Care Situation

2006-08-21T18:06:00.000-04:00

It has been two days with no updates, I know you are dying to know what's been happening.

Ok, so the director called us back today (after talking to her boss) She said The Kid can stay in his current room until Jan but she doesn't recommend it (sure she has a PhD, but ahem, so do I but she doesn't know my kid and she doesn't have kids of her own so I request she keep her completely useless opinions to herself) So I guess the space fairy added space to Room F (the good room to which MeanKid was added) and to his current room, as both were absolutely filled to fire code when we met last week. Anyway, we are going to tell them no thanks (or more accurately, we are going to tell them that the director is a liar [or incompetent, take your pick] and we don't believe they have the best interest of our kid in mind. This presents worry #1 - that they will try to charge us something. Good luck. I can't find our contract anywhere but I do not remember it saying anything about a cancellation policy, maybe it does but I believe SHE violated the contract by lying to us. So take me to court because there is no other way I am paying. No possible way.

We visited the Super 8 - The Kid had fun but The Husband confirmed what I already knew - that he might be ok there but he's not going to become a genius (like his mother). The kids at Super 8 just seem bored, not neglected or abused, just plain bored and I don't like that.

We also visited Neighbor's Day Care (NDC) and let me tell you, I LOVED it. Too bad we didn't know about that when we moved. It was great. The owner quit her job as a teacher and opened a day care for her son because she hated all the ones they had visited/attended (sounds like my sister) They have a waiting list until (hopefully) Jan. This presents worry # 2 - that there will not be a spot Jan 1 and I will be completely screwed. That is job search time and if I want a job (and I do) I can't say "oh, sorry we don't have day care that day, can I come next week?"

We then called PrettyGoodAssistant Teacher (PGAT) to tell her to quit tomorrow and come on over. This presents worry #3 - that she'll get a raise to stay with lying director and we will be crying over our punch.

The plan (at 6:09 Monday) is to have PGAT watch The Kid here until Jan 1, then if she goes back to school or if it is not working out, go to NDC. The back up plan is Super 8 only when necessary which means I will effectively stay home alot except when necessary (which could very well make me completely insane and/or a drunk and/or unable to get a faculty position because I won't be able to think about anything other than Elmo)*

*ok, so I promise not to become a drunk, but I make no promises about my sanity

Please Please Please let this work out

quotation meme

2006-08-19T21:41:00.000-04:00

This one is making the rounds and I rather like the idea, so here you go.

Go here and click through random quotations until you find 5 (or 6) that describe you.

To be one's self, and unafraid whether right or wrong, is more admirable than the easy cowardice of surrender to conformity. - Irving Wallace

There is one piece of advice, in a life of study, which I think no one will object to; and that is, every now and then to be completely idle - to do nothing at all. - Sydney Smith

A great obstacle to happiness is the expectation of too great a happiness. - Fontenelle

If you don't want anyone to know, don't do it. - Chinese Proverb

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

You have to let people challenge your ideas. - Tom Kasten

Day Care Situtation hopefully Solved - UPDATE - not solved!

2006-08-19T13:51:00.000-04:00

[update - She mentioned in passing that she was thinking of going back to school in Jan. We figured she meant around here or part time or at night, but we figured wrong. We just called to clarify and she is hoping to go away to college in Jan. So this sucks. I guess we (well, TheHusband, I just can't think about this anymore) decided we'll stick with her until then. I don't know, it makes me very nervous. I'll be on the job market and I *should* be very busy interviewing next semester so we absolutely cannot afford to have no daycare. Literally, or I won't get a job and then we'll be homeless next year. Why can't life just be easy for a few days.]

We visited with PrettyGoodAssistantTeacher and her mom today. I think mom just wanted to make sure we were decent people, not trying to take advantage of her daughter or anything crazy (what kind of people give their babysitter paid vacation?) She is only 19 but has been at our day care center (by the way they are always called early childhood education centers and saying day care is an insult, but whatever) for almost a year. She is sort of shy and soft spoken but TheKid likes her very much and so do I. She sounds intelligent, she is definitley well-mannered, and I know she will do whatever we ask. We plan to set up "lesson plans" like he would have in a school setting so they'll have craft projects, songs, games, etc related to a theme. We also hope to send them on a field trip (either I'll drop them off or they'll take the bus) once a week or once every two weeks. It will alleviate the boredom for both parties, hopefully.

So, she said yes and we said yes. But we thought that before finalizing anything, we should give ourselves a day to think about any potential problems or lingering questions. Got any? I asked my sister (a former child care educator and a stay-at-home-mom), she can't think of anything. I called FriendWithKids but she didn't answer (& has no voicemail, apparently?)

Monday she will go to work and give them one week's notice. The director's boss is scheduled to call us Monday and provide a solution to our situation but we will tell her that given everything that has happened, we no longer feel like they operate with the best interest of our kid in mind. We love many of the teachers there but the director can not be trusted with our kid (the favoritism issue or whatever it is will only be made worse by us going to her boss) So thanks for your help but we are staying away as long as director is in charge.

Hopefully. [if not I'm surely to blame, The Husband will say, for posting this and jinxing everything] So, hopefully.

mmmm, beer

2006-08-19T13:43:00.000-04:00

So, we visited (interviewed?) PrettyGoodAssistantTeacher today (not Excellent Teacher Assistant - turns out she needs to make a whole lot more than we can pay her and she feels bad about quitting after she just told them she'd stay - note to all child care workers: they pay you $7/hr for extremely hard work, you owe them nothing but a reasonable notice that you are leaving. Anyway, this is all beside the pont.) She (age 19) lives at home with her mom. Her mother is very well spoken and I like her a whole bunch. PGAT's mom offered me a glass of water and I accepted. TheKid took a drink and said "mmmm, beer" Nice. I'm sure PGAT and her mom think we are some kind of drunks now. For the record, I do not drink beer (I do drink wine, margharitas, mimosas, shots, rum & coke, hot sake, etc but I do not drink beer.) Earlier this week we went to a baseball game and TheKid saw the beer guy and staring crying "want beer, want more beer!"

"Your Mommy is a Genius, Genius, Genius"

2006-08-19T13:33:00.000-04:00

This is the song I've been singing all day after I found out that one of my articles is the lead article for Special Issue. MyVeryFavoriteManuscript is the 2nd article. I believe (for absolutely no substantial reason) that order of articles means something. I guess I've seen CVs that say [lead article] next to a title, but that is really the only reason. I've been trying to google it all morning and I can find absolutely no proof that order means anything. Nevertheless I am celebrating the fact that my article is first (& second though I really don't believe that second means anything it surely does emphasize that I have 2.) I asked good friend (who is going up for tenure early, yah for him) and he also believes in this myth. He says "I think it means the Editor considers the lead article to be the best in the issue" so I'm celebrating because I am a genius, genius, genius.

Friday Update on Day Care Situation

2006-08-18T11:37:00.000-04:00

We've called the director's boss twice this week. I finally talked to her today. (Turns out she is at a the center's day camp this entire week, but called us from camp.) I explained the entire situation (in the shortest way humanly possible - much shorter than my post here!) She was very nice and seemed to understand everything I said. I was very reasonable - I tried to emphasize that I'm most upset about the lack of communication ("either no one knows what is going on here or someone is outright lying to me" I said) but I fully understand that state laws and fire code limit the number of students in each room and I'm not asking to violate any of these restrictions. She asked whether we'd prefer to stay in CurrentTeacher'sRoom or move and I said I just want him to be with people he knows or have sufficient time to transition and most of all I want to be informed and free to participate in the decision making for my kid. She asked if we'd like TheKid stay in CurrentTeacher's Room until he is 2 then transition (the same exact plan I already suggested to director, maybe that is why I like director's boss - she seems capable of clear and reasonable thinking) Anyway, she asked that we give her until Monday afternoon to find out all the facts and evaluate the situation and "hopefully this will be easily solved Monday afternoon" she said. (hahaha yea right EvilApparently laughs)

On the other hand, ExcellentAssistantTeacher in The Kid's current room is coming over tomorrow to discuss the possibility of quitting the center and working for us full time. We figured out that we can either pay $7.15 for 35 hrs (best) or $8 .15 for 30 hrs (less desirable for us but we can deal with 30 hrs) and we were worried that wasn't enough. We were trying to think of other perks like paid vacation & taking her home (she rides the bus) Then we found out that they* make $6.25/hr - can you believe that $6.25 to care for, teach, feed, and love a bunch of kids!

Dream of all dreams - wouldn't it be super fabulous if on Monday we had to decide between EAT and Room F? What would we do? I lean toward EAT, Husband leans toward Room F. I have a strong suspicion that the world will decide for us.

* We called another person who occassionally babysits for us and who used to work at the center - she said she made $6.25 so it is possible (but unlikely I think) that EAT (hmmm, rethinking that pseudonym) makes more or less than that.