life, apparently

I’ve been taking medicine to prevent this for the past 10 years. I had to stop when I was pregnant. The only good thing about being pregnant was that I had no symptoms or episodes (because of the increase in fluid/blood volume). Pregnancy was the only time in my life when I could take a decongestant and not feel like I couldn’t walk across the street, the only time when I could have my blood drawn without “passing out” with a needle in my arm, the only time when I could jump out of bed in the middle of the night without any consequences. It was great. Ditto for an entire year after my son was born. Until suddenly one day, I had another episode and all of the other symptoms resumed - all in one day. I went back to the doctor and resumed my medication. But, I still felt a little off. Twice, in a month I was certain I’d pass out and I prepared (take off shoes, lay down, ask for a wet towel for my neck and a glass of water for when I woke up) but then nothing happened. Both were work days and I just came home and laid around because I felt awful. So I went back to the Dr. He suggested another tilt table test. I told him about my last ttt and that I have a real fear of doing it again. He convinced me that I should.

As all of my Drs. have told me repeatedly – this condition will not kill me, I will outgrow it, and pregnancy will probably eliminate it all together. Apparently, pregnancy didn’t eliminate it. I’m 30 and I haven’t outgrown it. But for some reason, I believe the part about it not killing me. And so I was willing to purposefully volunteer to have my heart stopped.

That is, until the night before I was scheduled. I cried myself to sleep. I set my alarm late, but woke up early. I was hoping for traffic, but we were the only people on the road.

They gave me my own room with a TV, like I’d be staying for days. It should take an hour, max. Last time the actual test took only 45 seconds. The hospital Dr. implied that the test might or might not be diagnostic but I’d probably end up on more medication. So The Husband and I were waiting around for test time (we had to arrive 2 hrs and 15 early – don’t ask me why) and I just decided I couldn’t do it. What if we just left? What would happen? Would they call the police? Would my insurance charge me? I put on my pants and shoes but left on the hospital gowns. I was playing reverse strip poker.

I asked to see the Dr again and asked if just trying more medication was an option rather than The Test. He explained that the problem is more medication might reduce my blood pressure to dangerously low levels. So I’d have to have my blood pressure monitored regularly and I might have to change medications and/or have The Test later. And then we left. No ttt for me.

And, he gave me my very favorite prescription ever – eat more salt. (Mmmm I love salt.)

// posted by apparently @ 10:49 AM