life, apparently

When I was young, my family was poor. Welfare, reduced lunch tickets, government approved babysitter (because the govt paid part of the bill), poor. We lived in a modest neighborhood, so it wasn't actually all that uncommon. There were certainly people who had less than we did. And people who had more. I didn't think too much of it. I do remember a pair of fushia high tops that some other kids made fun of. (Actually, I remember one particular kid - a tall red head named Keith* - making fun of them.) Yes there were left over from last year and yes they were buy one get one free from Payless and yes they were the only pair I had. But I liked them so I didn't really care what Keith thought. I've always been thick-skinned in that way. I do what I do because I want to. If you don't like it, that is your problem. In fact, I just might like it more because you don't. Keith had kangaroos on his shoes after all, clearly he had bad taste.

The only time I hated being poor (really, the only time I thought much about it at all) was at a birthday party. All the other kids seemed to buy bigger and better gifts. And this does not go unnoticed at a birthday party when everyone is gathered around oohing and ahhing at the fantastic gift from Bobby. Then oohing and ahhing at the great gift from Susy. So, I don't like birthday parties. I just don't. It brings back bad feelings. I wonder if anyone feels like I felt. These days I suppose it is more likely that someone is maxing out a credit card to buy that super terrific gift rather than being honest about what they can or cannot afford and I wonder about that too.

(related sidebar) I hate the idea of having stuff just to have stuff. I'm not saying that I don't have fun things, I certainly do. But I don't want my kid growing up with each and every must-have toy because it is a must-have toy. I want him to appreciate what he has and appreciate that he has more than others. No matter how little you have, there are always others who have less. No matter how much you have, there are always others who have more.

Why am I telling you this? The Kid's birthday is quickly approaching. The Husband knows everything I think and he pretty much agrees (even though he was raised in a must-have-it-all family). So, we don't have birthday parties for The Kid. We were absolutely tormented into having a party last year and so we did. We told people not to bring gifts and we told our parents to tell people we actually meant it. Some brought gifts anyway. Others assumed we wanted money rather than things and grudgingly stuffed money into cards (don't ask I have no idea, I guess the thought of bringing nothing is just too new age for some of my relatives). We knew this might happen (the gifts, not the money) and asked my mom not to have an oohh and awweee session (party was at her house). She did it anyway. So no more parties. When he gets older and asks to have friends over, we'll oblige I'm sure. But not a cake-eating, see who brings the coolest gift party. We'll have a have fun with your friends because you like to spend time with them party.

My birthday is just a month after The Kid's. Feel free to deposit birthday cash in my paypal account: lifeapparently@justkidding.com

*To be fair, Keith was actually a nice kid and he was my friend. He was a very tall, very redheaded kid so I'm sure he has his own memories of taunting.