Tuesday, October 17, 2006
I need a cookie
I'm writing a longer/more reflective (that is the goal anyway) post on this but for now you should know that I need a cookie. Unfortunately I am broke and it is pouring rain so I'm just stuck here with nothing sweet to eat. boo hoo.
I had my teaching mentor come to class today to hold an in-class (anonymous) mid-semester evaluation. We generated topics/questions for her to ask last week and the plan was for her to have about 30 mins of class time (without me) to get a sense of the community voice of the class - the strengths and weaknesses of the class - and specific information to improve this class in particular and my teaching approach in general. She'll write up a summary, we will meet and discuss specific strategies to implement, and then to complete the circle I present the problems & solutions to the students.
Ok, I was all gung-ho. I actually asked for this (WHAT? my head is now screaming!). I have nothing to lose. I'm a post-doc so teaching evaulations have zero impact on my life. Tenure is not at stake. Right? Right. I wasn't nervous at all ... until the moment she walked into class. Then I fell apart. She was about 10 mins early and those 10 mins were the worst lecture I've ever given - I didn't even understand myself. And, I kept thinking "oh no, don't mess up NOW -- it will just give them bad things to say" which only added to the problem.
My 10 mins of lecture hell are finally up and I leave ... but she borrows the microphone (that I had to sign my life away for), so I had to wait outside so I could get it back. Fine. The first 20 or so minutes were fine. Then the students started to filter out. It felt like someone told everyone in the room a secret about me but since I didn't know what secret was told, I didn't know if I should cry or laugh or what. It was a very strange feeling. (The class doors open to a student lounge, so many of them were just hanging around waiting for their next class or drinking coffee.)
Now, it is 10 minutes AFTER class ends and she is STILL in there! And, I just can't take it anymore -- what could they possibly be saying? How bad can I be? So, I ask a student from my class to go in and get the microphone and I leave.
It was sort of like the first time I read an action letter -- tension builds and builds until I find out the verdict and then everything is ok again because I know exactly what to address to get the paper published (usually, anyway). The only problem is that I was waiting outside while the letter was being drafted and I don't get to see it for a few more days.
I'm ok now, for the most part, like I said nothing bad can come of this -- but a cookie would make it all better. (hmm, this is long maybe I won't write another post after all)
I had my teaching mentor come to class today to hold an in-class (anonymous) mid-semester evaluation. We generated topics/questions for her to ask last week and the plan was for her to have about 30 mins of class time (without me) to get a sense of the community voice of the class - the strengths and weaknesses of the class - and specific information to improve this class in particular and my teaching approach in general. She'll write up a summary, we will meet and discuss specific strategies to implement, and then to complete the circle I present the problems & solutions to the students.
Ok, I was all gung-ho. I actually asked for this (WHAT? my head is now screaming!). I have nothing to lose. I'm a post-doc so teaching evaulations have zero impact on my life. Tenure is not at stake. Right? Right. I wasn't nervous at all ... until the moment she walked into class. Then I fell apart. She was about 10 mins early and those 10 mins were the worst lecture I've ever given - I didn't even understand myself. And, I kept thinking "oh no, don't mess up NOW -- it will just give them bad things to say" which only added to the problem.
My 10 mins of lecture hell are finally up and I leave ... but she borrows the microphone (that I had to sign my life away for), so I had to wait outside so I could get it back. Fine. The first 20 or so minutes were fine. Then the students started to filter out. It felt like someone told everyone in the room a secret about me but since I didn't know what secret was told, I didn't know if I should cry or laugh or what. It was a very strange feeling. (The class doors open to a student lounge, so many of them were just hanging around waiting for their next class or drinking coffee.)
Now, it is 10 minutes AFTER class ends and she is STILL in there! And, I just can't take it anymore -- what could they possibly be saying? How bad can I be? So, I ask a student from my class to go in and get the microphone and I leave.
It was sort of like the first time I read an action letter -- tension builds and builds until I find out the verdict and then everything is ok again because I know exactly what to address to get the paper published (usually, anyway). The only problem is that I was waiting outside while the letter was being drafted and I don't get to see it for a few more days.
I'm ok now, for the most part, like I said nothing bad can come of this -- but a cookie would make it all better. (hmm, this is long maybe I won't write another post after all)
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