life, apparently

This round of the postdoc carnival is dedicated to regrets. I'm a new assistant professor following a 3 year postdoc and I definitely have a few regrets.

I was very successful in grad school, coming from a top lab with many publications - I had my pick of several postdocs. The decision about which to select wasn't easy and I'm not even sure if I can remember why I decided against several of them. I finally decided on PostDocLab because my 2nd choice would require me to learn all new software and hardware and I didn't want to waste my time. As it turns out, they changed hardware during my first year, so it wouldn't have been an issue at all. PostDocLab was also close to my parents and I had just found out that I was pregnant. I guess the point is that it was the safe choice - presumably easy transition, close to home, famous guy, how could I go wrong? My first regret is the lab I picked. It's not that it was awful or anything; we just never clicked and were not productive as a result. How could I have known? Well, it would have been nice if people in his lab were honest. They completely misled me about his management style and availability. Maybe they just don't know any better. Maybe I asked the wrong questions.

Our plan was to work on projects in the same field but using a different technique and incorporating more information about one aspect. Let's say my field is Popcorn. In grad school I studied techniques of making popcorn in an WhirleyPop and which WhirleyPop creates the best popcorn. In my postdoc, we planned to study techniques of making popcorn in an air popper taking into account the chemical structure of popcorn and how that interacts with the air popper. The problem is that the air popper cannot be dissected and to really understand how it works (given that I just can't take it apart and look) is sort of a black magic. PostDocAdvisor is the inventor of the air popper, so it shouldn't have been a problem I thought. Except it was. One hour per week when he was in town was not enough time to understand the air popper no matter how hard I tried. And besides I already know how to make popcorn in the Whirley Pop and every time I tried and failed to make popcorn in the air popper, I thought "but I can already do this in the Whirley Pop and the Whirley Pop makes far superior popcorn in my opinion, so why bother" I didn't really give the air popper a fair chance but that is partially because the goal of simply learning to use the air popper is not a meaningful goal as a postdoc. Unless the air popper can do things the Whirley Pop can't do and I'm not convinced that is the case. I should have persisted and learned about the chemical structure of popcorn because that is useful regardless of the mechanism for making popcorn. But I didn't. I decided to continue studying the Whirley Pop because I knew I could pump out a few publications easily. I essentially just informed PostDocAdvisor of my uses of the Whirley Pop but didn't really collaborate with him in any meaningful way. My second regret was not formulating a solid research agenda for my postdoc.

At the core of both regrets are that I did not push myself hard enough and/or outside of my comfort zone. Part of this is just my cautious nature. The other part is being too worried about # of publications rather than acquiring new knowledge. Now, I'm trying very hard be open and receptive to new areas of research, even if it means I have less knowledge than a first year grad student. I'll let you know how it works out.

Labels: don't fall off the tenure track, postdoc carnival

I finally received a new (to me) filing cabinet. I've been waiting quite some time and was anxious to finish unpacking. I tried opening all the drawers to organize the remaining boxes that had been sitting on my office floor for entirely too long. Some of the drawers would open, some would not. Repeat for 30 minutes. I kept trying to figure out exactly which drawers did and did not open because it seemed to be a random selection each time I unlocked the cabinet. Locking and unlocking (maybe one didn't "catch" the lock mechanism or something like that I thought) them. Pulling and tugging to try to get them to open. Poking the metal lock bar (or whatever) that appeared to be the problem. I received a 5 inch scratch. And another 2 inch scratch. I yelled silently. I whispered threats and ultimatums to the filing cabinet. (I don't want my new colleagues to think I'm a complete nut, at least not yet!) I quit, extremely frustrated and sent a note asking for a new filing cabinet. Then after a break, I decided to try again -- I really wanted to finish unpacking! Repeat swearing, tugging, and turning the lock for another 15 minutes when an innocent person walked in to tell me something (not related to filing cabinets). Seeing the desperate and forlorn look on my face, he asked what was wrong. He turned the key and opened each drawer in turn explaining that it is a safety precaution that only one open at a time. Guess I haven't had a new filing cabinet in quite some time. Models from the 1960s don't have that feature.


We have a snow blower purchased for an incredibly good price before we moved from IsolationU. We recently purchased gas to put in the snow blower despite it being August because (apparently) they must contain all relevant liquid products or things stick or gum up or some such problem. (Liquids were emptied before we moved per moving company guidelines.) TheHusband filled up his much-loved-snow blower with oil and gas and then tried to start it. It didn't start. Repeat approximately 55 times. He quit, came into the house and spent lots of time looking on the web for solutions. The next day he tried to start it again. It didn't start. Repeat about 15 times. He quit, came into the house and called the manufacturer. They told him of qualified service people in the area. He called service people, who told him that it was "Lawnmower Season" and they don't look at snow blowers during Lawnmower Season (obviously!) They said to call back in the middle of Sept (apparently that is when SnowBlower Season begins, mark your calendars.) Yesterday he tried again. Once. It started. I asked what he did, and he indicated that he noticed a small problem. Clearly trying to distract me by talking about flowers and grass and dinner plans, I became even more interested and asked repeatedly until he answered. He didn't put the key in the ignition the first two days. The snow blower works just fine, as long as you put in the key.

Which is dumb and which is dumber? I don't know, you decide.

Labels: Thursday Confessions

I've been trying to fix 2 problems on my (brand new) computer for hours and hours and hours during the past week. I've tried everything. I've even restored the system to a previous date (which is a frightening thing to do). I've unistalled and reinstalled a bazillion pieces of software. I've restarted the computer six hundered thousand times. Finally, finally, finally I fixed it! And it was such an easy ridiculous fix that it is almost crazy. The router claimed to have the most recent update but I ignored that and manually reinstalled the update and tada everything works! I can't concentrate on work because I am so thrilled that I finally solved this problem. I feel like I deserve a vacation.

In other news, we went to a nearby lake this weekend and it was just beautiful. We went on a short boat excursion. We ate fish sandwhiches and fried oysters in a lovely little garden. We sat by the lake and watched kids skateboard. I love exploring new areas. If the act of moving wasn't such a gigantic pain, this love would be enough for me to move every few years. But I hate moving. So I'll just have to explore the area around NewUnivCity until I know every little town and village within a 3 hour drive.

Is it strange that wearing a sweatshirt in August made me insanely happy? Fall is almost hear!

Labels: blah blah blah, wastin' time

(as we get into bed last night)

apparently: did you lock the car doors?

TheHusband: no

Apparently: arrgh, why not?

TheHusband: we have an alarm, what difference does it make?

The correct answer is hours of sleep, that is what difference it would have made.

At about 3:30 this morning, I awoke to my car alarm. Of course, it took several seconds to register that the noise was. And what felt like several minutes to first turn off the house alarm*, find my way downstairs, and find the car keys. As I picked up the car keys, the alarm stopped. And then it went off again. I walked over to the window to look out, holding the house alarm key in my hand** and wondering if this was a smart move. I saw no one, but noticed that the light inside my car was on. So I went upstairs and woke The Husband who was sound asleep*** and called the police. The Husband wanted to go outside but I told him just to wait. The police came and noted that the car door was open. I checked and nothing was missing. The only possible things to be missing are: an umbrella stroller, reusable grocery bags, a car seat, medical records for The Kid that are patiently waiting to be dropped off to the new doctor, about 78 cents, a few pens, a coloring book or 2, the requisite umbrella, flashlight, and jumper cables. I guess the alarm scared off the would-be-thief of 78 cents. The police didn’t take a report, I guess it is not illegal to open up a door. Though, quite frankly I think it should be illegal to wake me up (and presumably a few neighbors) at 3 in the morning.

I already have a slightly paranoid mind when it comes to personal safety so I’m not happy about staring this chapter of my life feeling uneasy. I am, however, very grateful that we had a home security system installed the week after we moved in or I would definitely not be able to sleep at night.

* because we have motion detectors and it will (allegedly) sound if we go down the steps without turning it off

** it has a panic mechanism that call the police automatically, if only I could remember how to activate it

*** who wakes up when he senses that The Kid is awake even though The Kid has not made a sound, but somehow sleeps through 2 rounds of our car alarm

Labels: moving, whining

apparently: oh look, a butterfly

TheKid: awe, dat budderfwhy is cute. jus wike I am cute.

Labels: cuteness is genetic

I received a notice that my photo order has shipped along with the following nonsense:

3-10 day delivery orders experience a range of delivery times. Most orders are delivered very quickly (within two to five days), but 3-10 day delivery time depends on distance and internal 3-10 day delivery factors, and therefore cannot be guaranteed. US West Coast deliveries often arrive the next day and many US East Coast orders arrive in as few as three days. However, 3-10 day delivery can take as long as 14 days, regardless of destination. If your order has not arrived 14 days after receiving your shipping confirmation email, please contact us at T@rgetPhotoSupport@Kodakg@!!ery.com.

UPDATE: I received one package today (1 day delivery for those who are counting) with a note that I'll receive 3 or more shipments. I have a feeling that we are going to span the entire range here.

Labels: letters

Mr.Apparently,

Can you please talk to TheKid about keeping his hands to himself. TheKid likes to put some of the kids in head locks or he will grab them from behind pull them to the floor and jump on them. I told him he needs to have safe hands and a safe body but he still continues to do. So if you can please talk to him about it.

Thank you
ScaryTeacher*

We found out today that he is being mean to Emily - who he tells me everyday is "my new bess fwend" I guess best friends let you beat them up? I'm shocked. (I'm pretty sure the head locks are just aggressive hugs but the pushing and jumping is just plain nasty behavior). We had a talk. TheHusband also had a talk with him. I hope it is all over.

Yesterday at the grocery store, TheKid points to a bald guy and excitedly yells "Hey, hims has on his head jus like Daddy's head" Take it as a compliment bald guy.

*TheKid is at an inclusive preschool with a max classroom size of 8 kids with disabilities and 7 without. They have 6 (or more?) teachers and this one takes the role of TheScaryOne. When we visited, the director said that non-disabled kids model good behavior for the disabled kids who have behavioral issues. hmmm, we got that role wrong now didn't we.


UPDATE: TheKid had a great day according to everyone and he told TheScaryTeacher "is not nice to push are fwends" Let's hope for another successful keep-your-hands-to-yourself-day tomorrow.

Labels: cuteness is genetic, day care woes, parenting awards

I was just planting a few flowers when I dug up a Saint Dymphna coin, Patron Saint of those suffering nervous and mental affliction . How did they know we were coming?

Labels: don't fall off the tenure track

Oh Blog, how I've missed you. The thing is that at least 2 people from NewU City have been spotted reading you and so I'm sad and scared*. I'm scared of being discovered (pre-tenure anyway) though I'm not sure why - I don't say anything particularly interesting academic or otherwise. Every day I want to post something but then I go through this whole evaluation process where I try to decide if it will identify me or not. I think I might be over it for a little while anyway. I might become very very good friends with sitemeter.

I'm all moved in finally. Everything is unpacked except an old typewriter that I bought as a decoration. It is missing a home so it sits at the top of the stairs in a box, waiting. Even TheSportsTeamRoom is unpacked which was no small feat. TheHusband has been planning for this room since he realized he was an adult and might actually own a home someday. For the past 3-5 years he has been buying random decorations for TheSportsTeamRoom. TSTR is missing a bar so there is still a full box or two of bar stuff waiting to be unpacked. The problem is that all the furniture appears to be from the 70s so buying a new bar at the store doesn't quite work. Anyone have a smallish 1970's bar they want to get rid of?

The best part of my new home is that I have my own office with lots of windows. Only it is so bright in the morning that I need sunglasses. Seriously. Because the walls are windows. All of them. I took a picture for you but TheKid's new hobby is taking pictures and when he was finished yesterday he threw the camera to the ground like he does when he is done with all of his toys. I think the camera has a boo-boo.

The other best part - we have a real dining room table and chairs. In grad school we had an outdoor bar type thing for a table. In postdoc-dom we had Japaneese style table and sat on pillows. Which I loved. For a while. But my back hurts and it is hard to get up and apparently I'm an old lady and I need a real table. (not the best picture and I guess PierUno doesn't have any furniture online?? so I can't show you the chairs)

The worst part of the new home situation is that we spent entirely too much money. As in we found the limit on our credit card. Half of that is moving expenses which are being reimbursed but still, it is scary.

I've started the new job and I'm still trying to feel comfortable. But it is hard because no one (and I do mean NO one) is there. Where are these people? I've always been surrounded by 20-hour-a-day, what is vacation? -types. So I'm sort of confused by the absence of people during the summer. I guess I'll get used to it - in 7 years when I'm tenured. Until then it is me and the secretaries working in the summer.

Now lets see if I even have a blogger account anymore. Anyone remember my password?

*TheKid's new saying. Every night he claims to be sad and scared so that we'll lay down with him. What is he scared of? Yesterday he didn't know, Tuesday it was mama's bedroom, and Monday it was a dinosaur.

Labels: blah blah blah, moving