life, apparently

Dear Students

Sorry about today's class - I was just off. You see, I've got lots of things on my mind at the moment and I haven't slept in my own bed on a Saturday night since mid-August.* I've been to 3 states in 3 weeks and I'm just plain exhausted. Job applications are due soon and the stress of the academic job market is almost too much to take sometimes. Only one of the posted jobs is to-die-for and they didn't hire me last year so I'm pretty sure they won't be hiring me this year.** I'm barely ahead of class prep-wise. I think I have enough to get through the next class, but I'm not sure. So I spend all night working on slides and neglect TheKid, TheHusband, housework, and eating. I have some kind of back-ache that won't go away, I should really see a doctor but I don't have time. And, Oprah & Gayle's road trip kept me up all night - I didn't fall asleep until 1:30. So dear students, I apologize for talking too fast, having 3 errors in the slides (though as it turns out 1 of them was not an error - I just got confused and thought it was), and generally being unclear (that is what happens when one speaks in incomplete sentences).

But of course, I can't actually tell you this, so I just laugh and smile and move forward.

love,
apparently

*No I haven't been sleeping in other people's beds either, I've been out of town! Dirty college minds.

**This is actually a lie that I'm trying to believe. I did apply last year and they did not hire me - this much is true. However the search was for people doing X with method Z and I do A with method B, so I just wasn't an option. SearchCommitteeMember said my application received a lot of attention but they really wanted area X so of course I assume that this year they want area A and namely, me. Hello foolish - of course SCM said that, what else would she say? "You really suck and we wouldn't hire you if you worked for free." - no of course not [don't mind me talking to myself here]. So I am desperately trying to convince myself that I have no chance...otherwise I'll have another breakdown in March when I do not get this job. Note to self: the job probably sucks anyway, just because the faculty are super stars and the location is amazing (cf. current location)

Just before we left for BigWestCoastState our digital camera broke, so we had to use the kind that requires actual film be taken to a store and returned a whole day later! (TheKid couldn't understand why he couldn't see the pictures on the back of the camera after we took them - he concluded the camera must be broke.) Anyway, here are a few pictures. The first is a crocodile (or an alligator actually, I think) - we call them all crocodiles because one of my most favorite children's books is about a crocodile, so TheKid knows crocodile. This is why the World Famous Zoo (as they repeatedly remind you) IS worth a $32 ticket - they have underwater/above water tanks for all sorts of animals (hippos, turtles, lots of reptiles, polar bears, etc). Without any doubt, this guy was my favorite. I could have stood there all day.

Maybe we should have named him Tom? Actually, he was just throwing a little fit, not looking up his uncle's girlfriend's dress - I swear. [This is one of the joys of film cameras - you get unexpected silly pictures. With the digital camera surely I'd say, oh gosh he looks like a peeper I should delete it and take another until I get the perfect one.]

Strange Physics Grad Student (SPGS) visited our office last year and said he decided to quit Physics and join our dept. Now this is more than strange. He’s been a SPGS for about 4 years and our dept. is nowhere near Physics. Nowhere. I was trying to think of a suitable metaphor but they are just so far apart. Maybe it is like a car mechanic decided one day that he wanted to become a gardener because flowers are pretty and the car mechanic industry is pretty full. My first reaction was this guy is a Whack-O and I forgot about him. But, he MOVED IN TO MY OFFICE! What, you ask? Well, this is a bit of a side bar but my postdoc advisor left and one of the other postdocs left with him and the other got a new postdoc at a different university. So there are two free seats in my office. SPGS decided he’d like to be up here with us gardeners rather than with the car mechanics. So he moved in.

Then the office flooded. “Are you sure you would rather stay in this disaster area rather than with the car mechanics?”, I asked. Oh yes SPGS replied.

We temporarily moved while they repaired our office. We moved back in while I was out of town (someone nicely arranged for my stuff to be moved back as well, which I very much appreciate). When I arrived, I noticed that now SPGS was taking up 2 desks! He moves in and they spreads like wildfire. Now the thing is I don’t care about either of those desks and I definitely would never have used them myself so there is no reason for me to care. BUT it just gets on my nerves. Then, the straw that broke the camel’s (gardener’s?) back: he stole my power strip. See, only one of those desks had a power strip before and since he expanded his office space, he needed another. There are, I was told, about a million new power strips with the office supplies. That is not the point people, aren’t you paying attention -- you can’t just steal half of my office and my power strip.

So I just unplugged all his stuff and rightfully reclaimed my power strip. When SPGS came in that day he said, oh my computer isn’t working and I said that’s because I took back my power strip and kept working. At least I told him what the problem was - I could have let him flail around twiddling cords for a good 10 minutes, but I didn’t. See, I’m nice like that.

Went to lovely state park this weekend. The Sister & family joined us. I loved this place, turns out Western Maryland is gorgeous (who knew?). Unfortunately it rained all weekend and TheSister & her husband are a little stressful so I did come back a bit mentally exhausted. NephewHiney is cute cute cute. We went for a nice short hike. We had a run in with 2 skunks. We heard owls hooting. We saw too many deer to count, baby deer, and ones with cute white tails.

Saturday it stormed, it was very windy and rainy. In the middle of the night our car alarm went off. Nice way to wake up for us, the neighboring cabins, and the forest creasture I'm sure! Sorry world. The problem is that our alarm automatically sets and is very difficult to turn off. I guess we just didn't want the deer to steal my parking meter quarters (I have to pay about $3 per day so quarters are heavily guarded around here).

Twice I've displayed my password to my entire 100 student class. The room has major technical problems and was apparently designed by someone with the same level of computer savvy as my cat. To see the computer monitor, the big projection screen has to be on (don't know why since there is a perfectly nice desktop screen that also displays the desktop information but not until the projection screen is on. This means I have to enter my username and password while projected on the big screen. Well, I'm not very good at this apparently and so twice in the past 4 weeks I've displayed my password to everyone (entered it in username rather than password). I only have a total of 3 passwords that I rotate through and now I've had to invent a 4th which I'll probably give out next week anyway (IF I remember it that long).

We live in a midwestern city - no driveway, take the bus, walk to the grocery store in the city. We receive a little advertising newspaper every week. Once I saw a public service announcemet filler that said to beware of coyotes and never leave a small child uattended because the coyotes will snatch a small baby. I thought this was hysterical - fall on the floor laugh, call you sister funny. I've never seen a coyote anywhere near here (they actually probably live somewhere in the very general vicinity, but not in my neighborhood).

This weekend we were at a wedding (I know, our 3rd wedding since July) in BigWestCoastState. The reception was about a 40 miles or so from MajorAirport. It was kind of in the hills but very near civilization. There was a bear warning at the reception. A guy dressed in all black and carrying a big gun was patroling the outside part of the reception area. He warned us not to go outside the lighted area. I stayed inside. Then when we were leaving, the new FatherInLaw told us to watch TheKid because there were coyotes in the area that would steal our baby.

I just googled coyotes stealing babies and couldn't find anything. I'm more worried about the bears.

PS - FINALLY got wireless back hopefully this means a return to frequent blogging.

Dear pedophiles and child pornographers:
Please go away. Google fooled you - this is not what you are looking for. You are sick and you need help. Thanks!
love, apparently


I always say "naked baby butt" when The Kid is getting a diaper change or getting out of the bath tub. I don't know why I just do. Apparently I think it is funny.

TheNephew was visiting two weeks ago. He is slightly younger than TheKid. When TheNephew got a diaper change, The Kid would say "baby butt" and then request that he too have a naked baby butt. Really, its not fair for just one kid to be nakey, right? Often the two kids would get a diaper change simultaneously and run around laughing and singing "baby butt, baby butt".

This past weekend, I was explaining to mother-in-law that TheKid pronounces TheNephew's name in a very funny way and so I was trying to get TheKid to say TheNephew's name. He is a bit of a parrot lately, so I thought if I just said "The Nephew" a few times, he would repeat me. Here is our conversation:

apparently: Do you remember your cousin, TheNephew?
apparently: Remember, TheKid and TheNephew were playing at Grandma's house?
apparently: Did you have fun with TheNephew?
TheKid: baby butt, baby butt

How does TheKid pronouce TheNephew's name? "Hiney" TheNephew's name is nothing even remotely close - it doesn't end in a y sound or a long e sound, it does not contain an h sound. I haven't the slightest how he ended up at that pronounciation.

Poor Nephew Hiney - only known as and for his baby butt.

I dated a boy in high school/early college (maybe not early college?) We broke up (obviously). I just wasn't that into him. He was a nice, relatively conservative, good boy. I like(d?) bad boys. He couldn't move on. Somehow he found my number even though I moved & got a new phone number every year during college. He showed up in CollegeTown to visit his friend's sister & wanted to visit. I said no and hid at home all night - CollegeTown was just small enough to ensure a meeting should I have left the house for any reason. When I went to grad school, he found me again - email this time. I seem to remember he told me he was getting married (and not stalking me, so I shouldn't worry). I also remember his future wife's name (because it is my middle name and I thought it was kinda funny - he'd always have a reminder).

Fast forward about 6 years.

This weekend we went to a wedding in HomeTown. The groom grew up across the street from TheHusband, so they've pretty much known each other forever, not necessarily the closest of friends, but they share lots of memories of good times. The wedding was in a pretty funky space - top floor of the building is bride & groom's loft apartment and bottom floor is art gallery and location of wedding & reception. Half of the audience was outside and half inside. Definitely not your traditional set up - no dance floor (in fact, no dancing at all but an excellent acoustic guitarist), no tapping of the glasses requiring a kiss. I liked it. Except ... The Stalker was there. His wife (mother of his 1yr old child) was the sister of the bride. He hasn't changed an ounce in the past 10 years (hmmm. can't even remember the last time I saw him - guessing it must have been around 94 or 95) But anyway, I immediatley recognized him. So I spent a while pretending not to see him but then gave up, made eye contact. I don't think he recognized me right away - but he did eventually. We never talked and that is fine with me. I think he intended to a few times but changed his mind. My kid said "bye bye baby" to his kid, but I don't think that counts. So, here is the question: will he pick up stalking where he left off? I'm not hard to find online - I just googled myself and my academic webpage is the first listing under my name. If yes (and I'm definitely betting yes) how long will it take? You'll be the first to know (ok, not really I'll tell TheSister and TheHusband first, but you are next in line - is that enough of a bribe to keep reading even though I've been a bad apparently and not blogged much lately? Please?)

Bonus Story - so I got drunk at this wedding, apparently. I didn't actually feel drunk but I did get sick in ParentInLaws bathroom after the wedding at 8pm and slept (passed out, some might say) from 8oclock on. The problem is that they had a bbq and the wedding started at 3:30, so I skipped lunch and then didn't eat much dinner because it is hard to eat sloppy food in a nice outfit with a kid on your lap.